Category: Bad Baby Names

As Welsh as Grape Juice

I will first pony up my own bad names before turning in my friends.
Atom (boy)
Iris Alula (girl)

Now the friends, 2 different families.
Sage (boy)
Artemis (girl)

Ceilidh KAy-Lee (girl)
Reilly Ry-Lee (girl)
Samwise (boy)
And they swear they didn’t know about the Lord of the Rings reference, they just thought it sounded Welsh.

-A

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No Douche Jokes, Please

At my old job, we had a client contact named Misty Poon. I don’t recall her exact ethnicity but she did not live in the States–and no, my old job had nothing to do with the sex industry! Even my then boss, who is as conservative-Southern as they get, had a good laugh over that one! It’s possible, of course, that Misty was a nickname, in which case, I guess this entry would be disqualified.

Poon is a surname often found in Hong Kong and Singapore. (It’s a variation of the Chinese “Pan.”) Many Asians who deal with the West in business adopt Western names. I’m guessing she picked Misty because it’s pretty and didn’t realize picking an adjective just made things ten times worse.

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An Oh-My of One

Got some more for you to add (and I can do this because my {relative} is pissed off at me at the moment so if she sees this, she can’t get any more peeved :-D)

My {relative} and {spouse} were both Military Police (“MP”s) in the Marines. They ended up naming their first born daughter “Mikayla Patricia.”

Yes, I gave them hell for it.

Second daughter wound up Kassidy Anesha (or something like that), Anesha being her mother-in-law’s name (Patricia is my {relative’s} not-mom’s name. Don’t ask. Just a little two Jerry Springer-ish to bother explaining).

Screwed up spelling aside:

Me: “Why the ‘K’ instead of a ‘C’ like normal people?”
{Relative}: “Because Mikayla and {spouse’s name} start with “M” so she has to start with a “K” to go with my name.

… Kassidy Anesha isn’t THAT bad … until you add the last name … which then gives the poor kid the initials of KAR.

My {relative} is obviously too young to remember the old Knight Rider series.

-S

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Making Out With Lemurs

I am a transcriptionist for {a company} that targets people with really bad credit. I think I can say with all assurance that it’s long past time to weep for the future of humanity. However, I get some amazing names. This just in, as I was trying in vain to stifle my insane laughter while reading
your site:

Sakeithsha Simian, of Lake Charles, LA.

Last week we had a Latisha whose name was spelled Latasshaa. And a Carlos whose name was spelled Carless. On and on it goes.

I wish I was making this up. Someone ought to beat their mothers to death with the consonant tiles from a Scrabble game, stuffed into a sock.

I live in utter terror of the day that they get the bright idea to fool around with the spelling of last names. My job’s awful enough as it is without having to fill out an app for someone named Schiyenaeiquiethaeia Smyieyaeth.

And yes, that first name I just typed in there is some poor soul’s actual name, although I believe I may have forgotten a couple of vowels. Possibly a few more “y”s. After a while, they all blur together.

I need to go get drunk now.

-D

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It’s Misfarious!

File under: Names and Pre-Destination

In Ohio in the mid-nineties I remember watching the news and hearing about a guy they arrested (don’t remember the crime) whose name was “Nefchevious Matthews”.

I like the combination of Nefarious and Mischevious very much.

-L.

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Banjo? That’s a Boy’s Name!

I have friends who were once hippies and lived in a commune, named their girls Fagan, Banjo and Island Bath. Another named his son Ramasun and daughter Morning Glory. And finally, when I worked for {a company} I ran into the names Dusty Dawn and Tootsie Roll, can’t remember the last names.

-W.

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Harmonica of the Damned

I actually had a child named “O’Vari” in one of my music classes. Pronounced Oh-VAHRY, but invariably, every person who looked at the name would call it as “Ovary”. I wish that kid luck when she makes it to 5th grade health and they go through the reproductive system.

A few others-

Demonica (Anyone know a priest who does Exorcisms?)

Curley (if you name your child after one of the three stooges, what do you expect? An academic genius?)

-D.

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Deaf Nurse Stories

Okay, I have quite a few bad examples here, so try to bear up without laughing yourself sick.

1. My suitemate here at university has a cousin, the child of hippie parents, according to her, whose name is Star of Peace. Star of Peace O'(Irish name).

2. When my grandmother was born, both of her parents had only very recently immigrated to the US from Greece, and did not speak English very well- my great-grandmother, not at all. They had previously decided to name their new baby Aurelia Marie.

The nurse asked my great-grandfather what my future grandmother’s name was. I can only imagine that she didn’t understand his thick accent, because until she was in her fifties, my grandmother’s legal name was “Mary Apple Dritsas.”

3. Same family, different generation: I had a great-great aunt Melpomaene. She was named after the Muse of Tragedy. That’s so upbeat!

Hope these amuse you, even if they’re not site fodder!

-Anna

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Tondeaf

Okay, I’m one of those kids born in the 70’s that got the lovely name of “Jennifer” along with about a million others. I didn’t really appreciate having a bunch of other Jenny’s in my class, so I went with unique names for my 2 kids, which you have poked fun at here on your site.

My daughter is Siera Nicole. I liked the name Siera for years before I had her. I chose that particular spelling, though, because I wasn’t really naming her after SOMETHING, I just wanted it to be her name, not something else, such as: a mountain range or desert or GMC truck (Sierra), an Oldsmobile (Ciera), or a Spanish word meaning close (Cierra). After she was born a perfume also came out (Ciara). My husband picked my son’s name, Tristen J. Tristen *did* come from the movie, Legends of the Fall, but he just thought it was a really cool name, as did I. I realize that it is classically spelled Tristan, but Chris (my husband) preferred it with the “e” rather than the “a.”

But the real reason I’m writing is to tell you about a couple {I knew}. His name was Charles (but for some reason apparently his family & friends called him “Tony”) and her name was Rischilde. Now her name was pronounced like “Rochelle.” She said that she was named after her father Richard… ??? So, anyway, they were having a baby, I think it was like their 3rd or 4th. The baby was born & Rischilde wanted to name it after herself & Charlie. They named that poor, poor baby girl Tonschilde (tone-shell). I sincerely believe that has got to be one of the most awful names I’ve ever come across.

-J.

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Hugh G. Gaffe

1. UCLA has a “University Research Library” It used to be named after a professor at the school but students refused to use the library when it was named after him. His name was Hugh G Dick. Seriously, there is a plaque dedicating the library to him inside the foyer.

2. My friend worked with an African-American woman whose name was Neerly (last name). She met and married a man whose last name was White. Her married name…Neerly White.

I love your website, keep up the good work!

-Julie

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