Tag Archives: purses

Judge Rules Purses Rule

I’ve been serving jury duty on a criminal case all week, and while I can’t say anything about the case, the charges are complicated and definitely to be taken seriously.

Today, after closing arguments, and after the judge gave us loooong and lengthy technical instructions about the minutae of the law, the judge excused us for the day. “But, Miss Goodman, could I speak to you for a minute?” he said. Oh crap. Crap crap crap. What did I do? I’m so boned!

Was it because I was wearing a t-shirt to court? Was it because my t-shirt’s a little short? How dare I not take this man’s future seriously! Is it because I’m with the lying bastard biased media? Did I say something to someone about the case and not even notice? Was it my taking my meds in the middle of testimony? Am I getting thrown off the jury? Is he going to ask what a junkie like me thinks she’s doing rattling her pills in his courtroom? Is the bailiff going to search my bag?

It was like being told to go to the principal’s office, only the principal doesn’t have an armed sidekick ready to arrest you.

So I’m waiting outside judge’s chambers and he walks up. Even though he’s seemed like a pleasant, approachable guy, for a judge, at least, this is ridiculously imposing. I’ve got this bad feeling he’s hiding my FBI file in his robe. It’s those bumper stickers isn’t it? Damn you, Bush administration!

“Miss Goodman,” he says.
“Yes sir?” (I’m so dead!)
“Is that one of your purses you make you’ve got there?”

He points to my bag, which is one of my album cover messenger bags. I’d been using it all day to haul all my snacks and water and stuff to court. In fact, it’s the very first one I ever made, which I’ve refused to sell over the years.

(I’d explained I have a craft business during voir dire when they asked me what I do. Fortunately, I’d remembered not to say, “drug smuggler” or “police informant.”)

Next thing you know it, I am under an absolute barrage of questions from the judge about the purses; how I make them; how they hold up; oh you make smaller handbag ones, too? The clerk and the court reporter have showed up and joined in the questions about whether I take custom orders, and do I have a business card with me.

The judge ruled my purses are “very clever.”

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