Category: Bad Baby Names

i just had to put my two cents in about some of the bad names i’ve heard over the years. i used to know a girl who named her daughter anertia, like the scientific term (almost). i knew another girl who named her oldest ethan aloysius, her middle ariadne, and her youngest jasper. her name was divina.

there were too many austin’s and ashley’s to count. at my son’s school, there is an alize, like the alcohol, a poseiden, like the greek god, and an epiphany, like “i can’t believe i named my kid that”. there was also a set of twins named zena and zoe.

i seem to be the only person in this day and age to give my son a truly unique name–Daniel Charles. my son is almost 7 and has yet to meet another Daniel.

-R

What is it with Kacyn/Casen/Cacyn etc….?

Don’t people realize it’s a food product not a name….

Casein is the principal protein of cow’s milk. It is the curd that forms when milk is left to sour. It is the most commonly used milk protein in the food industry and contains 21 amino acids.

This has been driving me nuts ever since I first heard the name and I guess I just needed to get this off my chest.

-E.

Jessica’s found a couple sites to truly appall. Today’s winner:

http://www.doctornerve.org/nerve/pages/interact/dadababy.shtml

“Baby Names are generated by performing a Markov Chain analysis of the real baby names in our database, then spewing out statistically similar names based on this analysis.”

I love late-night programming. I have to, ’cause I have DirecTV and live on the West Coast, so everything’s three hours ahead. Anyway, last night I came upon a holy revelation in straaaaaaange naming in the show guide:

“World Changers Ministries. Religion. Hosted by Creflo Dollar and Taffi Dollar.”

Clearly, I was going to have to check this out for myself.

All of two minutes of watching it, I realized it was your usual televangelist show, where the Rev. Dr. Dollar (honorary doctorate, Oral Roberts U.) tells us exactly what Jesus is thinking RIGHT NOW and how I have to trust in him (Creflo), and also Him (Jesus). Isn’t that right, Taffi? (Taffi agreed.) But on top of that, Creflo was talking a lot about my credit card debt. Apparently, if I worship Jesus, I’ll be rich. Seriously. Loving Jesus = financial gain. This is the entire point of his ministry.

(I didn’t realize all Christians are exceptionally rich. Especially last time I was in Tijuana.)

But there’s a catch. As Creflo’s website says: “Tithing is our covenant connector. Giving determines the amount of our increase.”

I know, I know – I’m as shocked as you are a televangelist is asking for money. But apparently this has worked. The Dollars have built a $20 million sanctuary complex in Georgia, and their FAQ includes:

“Do I need to present my W-2 form or the title deed to my home in order to become a member (of the church)?”

So I guess that is frequently asked.

Some of the most unique names I’ve come across lately: A baby girl named “Zard” and a baby boy named “Zaivon”. Surprisingly enough, they were not related. There is also the little boy named “ZG Deuteronomy”. My own thought is that these people actually hate children.

-B.

A young lady in a (collegiate organization) and I were doing a charity gift-wrap at (national bookstore chain) just this last Christmas. She showed me a picture of her new niece. My jaw dropped as she told me the name: Gloria in Excelsis Deo (last name).

-P.

My sister had a friend that had a baby girl when she was 15 almost 16. Now the names that she was picking out wernt that bad you know normal ones like Ashley or Amy stuff like that. Well that baby girl was born and she comes out and names her

December-Rain Maddison

Yes Her first name is December-Rain and the poor childs middle name is Maddison. That’s what you get for letting a 16 y/o pick a name for a baby.

That’s what you get when you let a 15 year old HAVE a baby.

Final submissions: All negative-connotation animals! (These are all on their ‘possibilities’ list, I swear!): Armadillo, elephant, hamster, hippo, horse, llama, moose, rabbit, raccoon, rhino, sheep, squirrel and walrus. And in honor of Sweden’s naming laws, Stockholm.

Results: Some strangely normal names! Timothy, Solomon, Raphael, Rhys, Kerry, Donnie, Robert. But also interesting hybrid animals Lesrus, Armiceros, Hippopeep, Elephama, Agunie, and Squioose.

Today I let it run wild with hideous nature names: Air, Beech (sic), Branch, Canyon, Fog, Galaxy, Mercury, Meteor, Spring and Thunder.

Results: Shawna, McCoy, Baako, Banana, Pattin, Snowdrop, Dahlia, Kiran, Narik, Snowison, Banuary, Sprran, Bradrop, LaFogyell, Regtan, and Shanbananana.

This time, I tried feeding it the most popular names of 1904: John , Mary, William, Helen, George, James, Margaret, Ruth, Joseph, and Anna.

I got back a long list of current trendy names like Paige, Brooklynn, Tea (?!), Summer, Kaila, and fun combinations like Brooma, Sumrge, Valelique, Thur, Trakinsailo and Shanmanaminita.