Category: Bad Baby Names

I went to high school and college with a girl whose last name was Saeman, pronounced “Sea-men.” One of her brothers was named Richard, and you guessed it — he went by Dick. Dick Saeman. Heh.

I don’t recall ever hearing that he was teased, but I can’t believe that he escaped high school and the Army unscathed in that regard.

– Lisa

Love your website! I am a nurse at a pediatrician’s office, if you really want some names I have loads, my pet names to hate are:

Elery (girl)
Princess
Steffannyie
Emmaleigha
and various over-voweled names such as Acacaia, and Eleccyia (alicia is how it is pronounced)
Blade (boy) (he already has a pierced ear at about 6 months of age)

let me know if you want anymore!

– Mary Emily (i had no identity issues ever about my name, plan to do the same for my children)

Hi! I just wanted to share a FEW names that I have come across teaching in an inner-city school: (there are too many lovely ones to list!)

Freshala (prounounced like it looks fresh-ala)
LaChoice
Reassured
Shylexis
Shu’Miracle
Cordauris (pronounced Cor-dare-e-us)
Zacaria (pronounced Za-car-e-ay)
Marshavia
Jah’Kourtnei
Char’karious
Kendre(ken-dray)
Jarious
Ardarius
Elvisha(el-vee-sha)
Tiszarria (Ta-za-re-ay)
Shamaria(Sha-ma-re-ay)

Enjoy, these names are really horrible!!!!

-W

My mother, god bless, had me on a misty morning. Can you guess where this is going? Yes, she thought the description of the whether and time of day would be a good name for me. It gets better. She also wanted Rainy Day. Why yes, she was drugged at the time.

My godmother wanted to name me “Jessie.” My father, in his adventure of naming his kid a unique name, chose Jessica. Yes, Jessica. One of the most popular names of the year (’81). Now my mother, miffed I wasn’t gonna be a nice little description, said I’d have the middle name of Joyce. Joyce, her best friend who committed suicide only 4 months before, became my name. So I went from Misty Morning to Rainy Day to Jessica Joyce in a matter of hours.

Lesson to all this? Think ahead when naming your kid. Be unique but take into account initials and pop culture. My initials were JJ. Think back to the 70s and you’ll see why I cringe.

-Jessica

I’m an incurable fan of your site, and I just saw some naming gems in the wonderful world of television. I was watching (God help me) the “Get Packing” dating show on the Travel Channel. The male contestants were named Izik (pronounced like Isaac) and Maitland (as in “Land of the Potential Better Halves”). These guys are in their twenties, so I guess someone was ahead of their time with the bizarre spelling fad. Ick.

-Shannon

My dad is a retired police officer, formerly with the Wilmington, DE PD.

He still tells the story about Ms. West and her four sons – all four had problems with the law. She named them North, East, South and West. Dad recalls chasing North West south on West Street – LOL!

Regards,
Alison

I recently returned from Lesotho, where it seems like half the population is named “Happiness” or “Joy” or something like that in Sesotho (their language) and the other half wind up with names that mean “Dog” or “Stinky” in Sesotho. Turns out there’s a tradition behind this…being one of the poorest nations in the world they have very high infant mortality. The theory is that if your first kid dies, much to your sorrow, you want to name the next kid something that indicates you don’t give a damn about it so the evil spirits won’t be inclined to take it too, kinda like hiding your family jewels in the outhouse. (The evil spirits aren’t especially clever, but they are notoriously ruthless.) So the first kid gets a name like “Joy” or “Miracle” or “Unity” and, if he/she doesn’t make it, the next one gets “Dog.”

As a teacher, I often come across really awful names, and some of the ones chosen by illiterate ghetto moms just drive me nuts. The “I’m gonna name my kid something French and pretty whether or not I can spell it” tradition has brought me Antwahn, Nicoal, Mishell, and a seemingly endless torrent of “La” somethings, like LaRoyce, LaNita, LaTanya, LaCheryl etc.

The two worst I encountered in this category would be: Chrystal (presumably from a mom who couldn’t spell “Crystal” but had seen the word “Chrysler” a lot) and…drum roll please…”Tiawanna.” Which might also fit the category of “kids named after where they were conceived.

When I was substitute teaching, I also once had the experience of passing around a seating chart in the school cafeteria at lunch to have the kids sign so I’d know who was where. I barked at the kid who signed his name “Blake Deathrage,” which so obviously sounded like a fake name from a bad Saturday morning cartoon…but no, that was in fact his legal name, and the Deathrage family was a typical suburban SUV cul-de-sac family from a long line of Deathrages, not second-generation headbangers.

-A

My (relative) has boys named Cortez and DaMico. The names grow on you after several years.

-C

I’ve stayed up far past my bedtime reading your site, I love it! I just had to comment on this:

“You know a kid named Legend will be bland and unaccomplished, just like girls named Charity are selfish, Faiths are athetists, Chastitys are bimbos and Hopes are suicidal.”

My name is Brandy and, as it turns out, I can’t stand the taste of alcohol. I’m also super-sensitive to it, so I can’t even have super-duper-girly drinks (I could detect a teaspoon of vodka in a quart of orange juice). My only problem with my name is that for some ungodly reason, 75% of the population assumes it’s spelled Brandi, as though I were a porn star instead of a graduate student.

(I got lucky – my mom almost named me Charona. This is why teen pregnancies such as hers are bad. Luckily, she chose another, more reasonable, popular song.)

-Brandy

when I started reading I didn’t think I’d ever met anyone with a really outlandish name, but damnit, as I read, I kept having flashbacks to my childhood in Columbia, Maryland, where I knew the following kids:

Penny Hapenny
Major DeBarry
Wednesday Willoughby
twins named LaCreda and LaDedra (can’t recall the last name)
Daiquiri Jones

…and then there’s the (now former) contestant on the TV show The Apprentice: Bowie Hogg. No, really.

–MJ