Tag Archives: letters

I Was In the Bathroom, Okay?

Where were YOU when my parents decided to name me Leilani Diva? (I looked it up. Apparently the secret meaning is “Child from Heaven/ High-Strung Chanteuse Prone to Bouts of Drug Abuse and Mental Infirmity”). I suppose I should just be thankful that it isn’t Leylany Dyva.


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Next Generation: Card and Blade

Weird names aren’t just a modern affliction: My first name is Huntington, and I’m the third generation to bear the thing. My great-grandfather (whose own Pa named him Dallas) had four boys: Dallas Jr. (!), Waitstill-upon-the-Lord, Morrison, and Huntington (the 1st). Where great-grandmother Grace was during all this we’re not sure – perhaps in a laudanum haze.

My maternal grandmother’s family’s names appear to have been normal, but she did laugh when recounting that she’d gone to school here in the Bay Area with a daughter of recent immigrants named Alameda Blessing.

Oh, and you’re so right about the perils of using nouns; verbs are an equal hazard. Mom’s Carol, which was fine until she married a man with the last name Sharp. Yep, at Christmas she sings just a little above the pitch. Since I’m Huntington the Third, I go by a nickname of my middle name, William. Uh-huh…I should work in accounts receivable. And lastly, Dad (Huntington the Second) shortens to Hunt, and is great to have around when something’s lost…


-Huntington (“Bill”) Sharp

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Britney Spears Saves a Child

I love your site! I have three contributions for you:

An older sister of {redacted}’s friend: Timber Wulff

My elementary school principal: Mazola Benton. She was named for the oil. She was the principal of Monte Vista Elementary School in Monterey, CA during the early to mid-seventies.

My sister was helping out at a preschool and met Royette and Sir, who were cousins. Royette’s mother has since changed the little girl’s name to Brittany.


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Kids! Stop Eating Those Mushrooms!

As a mother of triplets, I wish you had a special section for pathetic names of twins or higher-order multiples. Some names just get worse when you pair them up to sound “cute”. Example, a distant (acquaintance) of mine named her twin boys Marius and Darius. Ugh! (Reminds me of Mario brothers video games, or bad movies full of ancient Romans.)


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As Welsh as Grape Juice

I will first pony up my own bad names before turning in my friends.
Atom (boy)
Iris Alula (girl)

Now the friends, 2 different families.
Sage (boy)
Artemis (girl)

Ceilidh KAy-Lee (girl)
Reilly Ry-Lee (girl)
Samwise (boy)
And they swear they didn’t know about the Lord of the Rings reference, they just thought it sounded Welsh.


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No Douche Jokes, Please

At my old job, we had a client contact named Misty Poon. I don’t recall her exact ethnicity but she did not live in the States–and no, my old job had nothing to do with the sex industry! Even my then boss, who is as conservative-Southern as they get, had a good laugh over that one! It’s possible, of course, that Misty was a nickname, in which case, I guess this entry would be disqualified.

Poon is a surname often found in Hong Kong and Singapore. (It’s a variation of the Chinese “Pan.”) Many Asians who deal with the West in business adopt Western names. I’m guessing she picked Misty because it’s pretty and didn’t realize picking an adjective just made things ten times worse.

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An Oh-My of One

Got some more for you to add (and I can do this because my {relative} is pissed off at me at the moment so if she sees this, she can’t get any more peeved :-D)

My {relative} and {spouse} were both Military Police (“MP”s) in the Marines. They ended up naming their first born daughter “Mikayla Patricia.”

Yes, I gave them hell for it.

Second daughter wound up Kassidy Anesha (or something like that), Anesha being her mother-in-law’s name (Patricia is my {relative’s} not-mom’s name. Don’t ask. Just a little two Jerry Springer-ish to bother explaining).

Screwed up spelling aside:

Me: “Why the ‘K’ instead of a ‘C’ like normal people?”
{Relative}: “Because Mikayla and {spouse’s name} start with “M” so she has to start with a “K” to go with my name.

… Kassidy Anesha isn’t THAT bad … until you add the last name … which then gives the poor kid the initials of KAR.

My {relative} is obviously too young to remember the old Knight Rider series.


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Making Out With Lemurs

I am a transcriptionist for {a company} that targets people with really bad credit. I think I can say with all assurance that it’s long past time to weep for the future of humanity. However, I get some amazing names. This just in, as I was trying in vain to stifle my insane laughter while reading
your site:

Sakeithsha Simian, of Lake Charles, LA.

Last week we had a Latisha whose name was spelled Latasshaa. And a Carlos whose name was spelled Carless. On and on it goes.

I wish I was making this up. Someone ought to beat their mothers to death with the consonant tiles from a Scrabble game, stuffed into a sock.

I live in utter terror of the day that they get the bright idea to fool around with the spelling of last names. My job’s awful enough as it is without having to fill out an app for someone named Schiyenaeiquiethaeia Smyieyaeth.

And yes, that first name I just typed in there is some poor soul’s actual name, although I believe I may have forgotten a couple of vowels. Possibly a few more “y”s. After a while, they all blur together.

I need to go get drunk now.


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It’s Misfarious!

File under: Names and Pre-Destination

In Ohio in the mid-nineties I remember watching the news and hearing about a guy they arrested (don’t remember the crime) whose name was “Nefchevious Matthews”.

I like the combination of Nefarious and Mischevious very much.


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Banjo? That’s a Boy’s Name!

I have friends who were once hippies and lived in a commune, named their girls Fagan, Banjo and Island Bath. Another named his son Ramasun and daughter Morning Glory. And finally, when I worked for {a company} I ran into the names Dusty Dawn and Tootsie Roll, can’t remember the last names.


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