Category: Bad Baby Names

I was reading your site which I found particularly hilarious, and was inspired to think up bad baby names of my own.

Most of these come from recent birth sections in my local city newspaper, but some names are ones that I know  from babies or children at the childcare centre in which I worked for a month late last year, or from family friends.

Netley
Delicia
Weaver
Dalgety (last name Dickie)
Bowie
Love
Ryly
Sadie
Phaedra Moon
Rocky
Rocko
Rainbow
Micol (maybe that’s the medicine the mother was taking when she picked the name)
Romeo (a brother for Juliet. I am not joking)
Ellowese (rhymes with yellow wees too, for extra pleasure)
A family friend wanted to name their son Matthew, Matt for short. That was all good and fine, but Matt’s last name was Russ.
Destiny
Starbrite (This is the daughter of a 16 year old illiterate mother I found on a bullitin board. She has a two year old sister Destini and at least 3 fathers.)
Pleger Blake Blee (try and say that. His brother’s name was Flynn Blee)
Dante (last name Taylor-Peak. Do you see anything wrong with that picture?)
Shyralee (May be related to Shirley…)
Munday (as opposed to Wudnesday or Fruday)
Nakkaytah
Rafferty (His parents names were Sharon and Mark…)
Heaven (where their daughter will wish she is in a few years…)
Cara Mel
Macson

– Gaye (mother’s name also Gaye. Shouldn’t there a law against hereditary bitterness?)

I usually read the births column of the local paper every week looking for such amusement but this site was just so much bladder-loosening hilarity that I almost passed out.

So…and I wish these weren’t true:

Bilbo. Yes, really. This one cropped up in the birth’s column of the local paper. His parents must have been Tolkien fans. Guess what his nickname is going to be the first day he sets foot in primary school?

Zenon. This was the fault of a couple who were friends of a friend. It was one of those names where you had to nod and smile and say it was ‘unusual’ when it fact it’s an inert gas.

And just to prove that it’s not just 18 year old bimbos who name their kids frightening things, a tale of woe from an old schoolmate whose highly educated but hippy parents had saddled him with the handle Quantum Feardash. Funnily enough, he preferred to be known as ‘Ben’.

Thank you for making me laugh so hard I nearly inhaled a crab and green ginger noodle.

– A

About the baby name Onarada:

“Are you choosing a name for your baby? I’ve never met no namesakes. If you please, name your baby Onarada!”

Onarada means “it’s a fart” in Japanese.

Given the unusual syntax of their message, I think that the writer was a Japanese who wanted to play a joke on stupid Americans. I loved the message written by the Lakota person.

Great site!

–V

From a Pagan forum, by a woman aptly named ‘Lunacie’:

My oldest granddaughter is named Katlin Kay Alexandria B. The Katlin is Irish without being especially traditional in spelling, the Kay is my middle name, and the Alexandria is my daughter’s ‘working’ name.

My youngest granddaughter is named Nove ‘Mber B. Hey, if people can name their girls April, May, June, etc. why not November? She was born the 27th of November…

I was watching the local news the other night, and a reporter was talking to people in a Birmingham mall about the whole Michael Jackson thing. One young man had the charming moniker of Demon. I’m sure it’s pronounced the way Devon is…. at least I hope so. Didn’t this mother notice how it looked on the birth certificate though?
~Laura

I went to Junior High and High School with a kid named William Smallwood. We called him Willy. I was also friends with Richard Johnson. His nickname is Dick Dick. What is it with people and naming their kids after penises?

Glad to have a normal name,
-E.

Just lost a couple hours reading your hilarious bad baby names site. Before I had kids of my own, I might have accused you of making it all up. Why are people so mean to their kids?

My children go to school with:

(Girls)
Carlin
Linzee
Dayshur
Dacia
Mickaylah
J’nay
Kyrlee
Amandalynn
Alisheia
Lynzi
Korissa
Alyss

(Boys)
Daytavion
Drake
Riely
Kalyn
Tristran
Breton (poor kid signs his name “Bret”)
Chance

…and those are just from the kids who made the Honor Roll.

-M.

Zaneithan Anthony. Arrrrgh!

From what black hole of awfulness can those parents have pulled that name?

-Lucy

The site Lucy found the name on is a hospital in Napa, Calif. Some other names from January:

Domonik, Mysterie Sabrena Lee Na\\’Koal, Ayteen Miyuckie, Makayla, and Fuery Elijah.

No, I don’t know what the punctuation is in Na\\’Koal. And in her picture ’18’ (or is that ‘A*Teen’?) appears to be  Asian, and therefore her parents should know how to spell Miyuki without the, you know, gruesome trauma. Ow….my brain!

I work with a lot of guys and girls from all over the world, and, as with everyone, 99% of them are good people. The thing is, once in a while we get a name that just stops you dead in your tracks. These guys names are probably perfectly good in whatever context they were named in, but when they are suddenly in suburban England………. ouch.

Examples.
I had a guy called Bigboy working for me.

Godknow Chegevara. Well, Che’s been dead for sometime, so I guess God Knows him. That name also lead to a lot of hilarity (in an Abbott and Costello style) when you didn’t know who was working where. ‘whos on line 1?’ ‘God knows!’ ‘Is he?’ ‘no, I mean….’ and so on.

Shitole – ’nuff said.

Bebey Joseph. All the girls think that one’s cute.

add those to the Memorys, Constances, Patiences, and so on, roll cal l can be interesting.

-M

so, i got curious when i went to the hospital website to see my friend’s baby girl (Juliana Erin – she did a pretty good job with that one), so i started looking at the names of other babies…..

and i’m not kidding, people actually named their children these names:

Shan’thony (yes, the apostrophe is there, AND its a girl)
Calex (isn’t that some sort of abrasive you clean the bathtub with?)
Gilroy (that’s just cruel)
K’Neil (so…..is the K silent?)
Norland (playground torture guaranteed)
McKinley (as in….the mountain??)
Braxton (as in… false labor pains?)
Britash (couldn’t decide between Britany & Ashley, so they made her sound like she’s from London)
Michaelangelo (mmmm……okaaaaaay….)
Prekton, Jaizek, Taylen, & Jazzlyn (ok, now they’re just making shi* up)

and I shi* you not, someone actually named their child (boy)…… Monkey.

Kind of makes you understand why there are 10,000 Caleb’s, Jacob’s, Madison’s, and Emily’s…. they’d just rather stick with something safe.

-K.