Tag Archives: letters

Your website has been my salvation in my search to try to name my second child before my husband and I divorce over it.

Jenny A named a child Bayne??? As in “this child is the bane of my life”?? My OED defines bane (admittedly not Bayne, but who wants to spell things right, anyway) as “cause of trouble or ruin”, as in the curse of having to give children increasingly awful names.

My recommendation is that these parents leave the naming of children to their other children, who, on the face of present evidence, would do better at it. We reckon our two year old, Harlan (OK, OK, not the most common name in the world but (a) we didn’t make it up and (b) you can spell and pronouce it), will choose to name our second son “Apricot Bang Run”, being his favourite words. At that stage I hadn’t realised that someone on your website was going for Run already….. out of the mouths of babes and sucklings, huh?

The best names I came across were those children I taught at a school in New Delhi when I was 18. The absolute best was Baby Rhythm, and I have since wondered what she did during her years of trying to be a bolshie teenager, and how this will affect her future attempts to be a leader of industry…. “Baby Rhythm is a tough negotiator” “Baby Rhythm demands a bonus to sort out the company’s infrastructure”, it doesn’t really work unless you’re four, really, does it?

My husband, who is the son of two Irish immigrants, snears at length about the trend for these mad Irish/Gaelic names and spellings that are now very trendy in Britain. Gaelic was rarely a written language (and frankly for many centuries hardly a used language at all, unlike, say, Welsh) for a long time and these completely non-phonetic spellings are to an extent a great joke by the Irish on everyone who wishes to prove their Irish ancestry or are attracted to the Irish culture (of enjoying yourself, drinking a lot, singing, dancing and all planting the same species of potato). All these Niamhs and Siobhans don’t particularly fit an Irish pronunciation of those letters, but it does make people feel different to give their child a name neither they nor their teacher will be able to spell. Which really will help them not be confused about the sounds that letters make. May be it’s a plot to stamp out literacy…..

Thank you for giving us all some perspective on the great naming crisis.

-Rosalind, U.K.

A friend of mine was going to call her baby Tallulah-lula-lala Stewart if it was a girl, thank heaven it was a boy and they called him David.

-G

In our parish there is a family that adopted the mix-and-match practice when it came to naming their kids. The husband (Shubert) and wife (Grizelda) first used half of each name to christen their daughter ‘Shuzelda’. When they had a son a year later, they used the left-overs and actually named him ‘Grishuber’ No kidding! He was in class with me and the teachers had to enunciate that name daily during roll call.

In office, there is a guy named Sejal. His wife is Tejal! Wonder what the kids will be called?

Also in office, is another guy with a weird name. Apparently his parents were fans of a rather mediocre hindi film actor called Rajesh Khanna. Now Rajesh is a pretty common first name in these parts and Khanna an equally common surname. So these people named their son Rajeshkhanna (followed by their surname).

I also have a friend named Elvis who at one time liked a girl named Pressie.

G.C.

I work at Wawa, a convenience store chain located in Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Delaware, Maryland, and Virginia.

The current owner of Wawa is one Richard Wood. Of course, he goes by Dick Wood. He may even be a junior, but I’ve blocked out all of the information we learned in orientation.

Michelle

The dean of the liberal arts college at Mercer University in Georgia is, in fact, named…

Richard “Dick” Fallis

Why Role-Players Shouldn’t Be Allowed to Breed.

Joey, an old junior-high friend of mine, became a mother at age 19. Now, Joey’s full name is Joaleane (instead of the random ‘y,’ it’s the attack of the random ‘a’), so you’d think she’d know a thing or two about bad baby names. But no. Joey named her baby after her Vampire: The Masquerade roleplaying character and her favorite movie character.

Joey’s little girl is named Kailis (pronounced KAY-liss) Trinity.

Star Trek fans out there are snickering already. Let me explain why:

On Star Trek, the name of the Klingons’ God is Kahless–also pronounced KAY-liss. Joey, who only watched Star Trek back in junior high (and never paid that much attention anyway), couldn’t figure out why the guys at the local RPG/comic store kept laughing and asking her if she was a Star Trek fan every time she’d mention her daughter’s name. When I finally informed her that she’d named her daughter the Klingon equivalent of “Jesus,” she just stared at me for five minutes and then groaned, “I am a terrible mother, aren’t I?”

Moral of the story: Mama, don’t let your babies grow up to be roleplayers.

–Amanda

My upstairs neighbor had twin boys last year. She is a big fan of themed names for twins, and while we were talking in her seventh month of pregnancy, she revealed that she planned to name her boys:

– Hunter Ray
– Stalker Jay

I must have goggled at this, because she got defensive, and complained that nobody liked her choice. I mentioned that Stalker connoted “violent criminal” rather than “outdoorsman” to me.

That response must have been nearly universal, because she ended up naming her boys Hunter and Tracker instead.

No, she doesn’t hunt or fish.

– Sarah

A few weeks ago I was reading the Lansing State Journal and came across the birth announcement for a child named Esperanza Marijuana Espinoza. Completely true – I couldn’t make something like that up if I tried.

Aside from the horrible connotations that come with having an illegal narcotic for a middle name, Esperanza Espinoza sounds like one of those verbal exercises used to cure stuttering.

-Abi

After I posted the names below in my blog, someone posted a comment with a link to your site. I’ve spent the afternoon here alternating between laughing my head off and screaming in anguish.

Straight from the birth notices of my local paper this week:

Corbin Lee Conlin — I guess they just couldn’t decide on only two (that doesn’t include his last name)

Willow Cassandra, who “joins her sisters, Ebonie and Autumn”

and finally, winner of the Cruelest Parents of the Week award,

Braylon Leith, who “joins his brother, Lake”

-Sunny

Not a letter today, just a report from the frontlines of fright – Toys R Us.

I was at Toys R Us yesterday looking for parts for my Halloween costume, when I saw a rack of personalized items. You know, pencils, calculators, notebooks, necklaces…all girlie stuff.

Well, whoever makes these things knows the score, because there was gear for Cheyenne, Dakota, Hayley AND Hailey, Mackenzie, Makayla, Michele (as well as Michelle), Meghan AND Meagan AND Megan, and Destiny.

Four observations:

#1. When I was little, you could always find stuff with “Diane” on it, but no Diana at least 50 percent of the time. Now there’s Diana, but no Diane or even Dana.

#2. Kids with weird names are still screwed because of spellings. Imagine the feeling for little Mykenzie or Cheyanne or Destini when they find their name…but just one letter off! (Yeah, welcome to my world, kiddo!….Except my name’s real.)

#3. If I didn’t have this site and know where the trends are going (in a handbasket), I would have thought the buying manager was a) a freaky lady with at least 14 cats she dresses in baby clothes or b) totally and irretrievably insane. Perhaps both.

#4. A glimmer of hope: There’s still stuff for kids named Jane