Not a letter today, just a report from the frontlines of fright – Toys R Us.

I was at Toys R Us yesterday looking for parts for my Halloween costume, when I saw a rack of personalized items. You know, pencils, calculators, notebooks, necklaces…all girlie stuff.

Well, whoever makes these things knows the score, because there was gear for Cheyenne, Dakota, Hayley AND Hailey, Mackenzie, Makayla, Michele (as well as Michelle), Meghan AND Meagan AND Megan, and Destiny.

Four observations:

#1. When I was little, you could always find stuff with “Diane” on it, but no Diana at least 50 percent of the time. Now there’s Diana, but no Diane or even Dana.

#2. Kids with weird names are still screwed because of spellings. Imagine the feeling for little Mykenzie or Cheyanne or Destini when they find their name…but just one letter off! (Yeah, welcome to my world, kiddo!….Except my name’s real.)

#3. If I didn’t have this site and know where the trends are going (in a handbasket), I would have thought the buying manager was a) a freaky lady with at least 14 cats she dresses in baby clothes or b) totally and irretrievably insane. Perhaps both.

#4. A glimmer of hope: There’s still stuff for kids named Jane