Category: Bad Baby Names

The dean of the liberal arts college at Mercer University in Georgia is, in fact, named…

Richard “Dick” Fallis

Why Role-Players Shouldn’t Be Allowed to Breed.

Joey, an old junior-high friend of mine, became a mother at age 19. Now, Joey’s full name is Joaleane (instead of the random ‘y,’ it’s the attack of the random ‘a’), so you’d think she’d know a thing or two about bad baby names. But no. Joey named her baby after her Vampire: The Masquerade roleplaying character and her favorite movie character.

Joey’s little girl is named Kailis (pronounced KAY-liss) Trinity.

Star Trek fans out there are snickering already. Let me explain why:

On Star Trek, the name of the Klingons’ God is Kahless–also pronounced KAY-liss. Joey, who only watched Star Trek back in junior high (and never paid that much attention anyway), couldn’t figure out why the guys at the local RPG/comic store kept laughing and asking her if she was a Star Trek fan every time she’d mention her daughter’s name. When I finally informed her that she’d named her daughter the Klingon equivalent of “Jesus,” she just stared at me for five minutes and then groaned, “I am a terrible mother, aren’t I?”

Moral of the story: Mama, don’t let your babies grow up to be roleplayers.

–Amanda

My upstairs neighbor had twin boys last year. She is a big fan of themed names for twins, and while we were talking in her seventh month of pregnancy, she revealed that she planned to name her boys:

– Hunter Ray
– Stalker Jay

I must have goggled at this, because she got defensive, and complained that nobody liked her choice. I mentioned that Stalker connoted “violent criminal” rather than “outdoorsman” to me.

That response must have been nearly universal, because she ended up naming her boys Hunter and Tracker instead.

No, she doesn’t hunt or fish.

– Sarah

A few weeks ago I was reading the Lansing State Journal and came across the birth announcement for a child named Esperanza Marijuana Espinoza. Completely true – I couldn’t make something like that up if I tried.

Aside from the horrible connotations that come with having an illegal narcotic for a middle name, Esperanza Espinoza sounds like one of those verbal exercises used to cure stuttering.

-Abi

After I posted the names below in my blog, someone posted a comment with a link to your site. I’ve spent the afternoon here alternating between laughing my head off and screaming in anguish.

Straight from the birth notices of my local paper this week:

Corbin Lee Conlin — I guess they just couldn’t decide on only two (that doesn’t include his last name)

Willow Cassandra, who “joins her sisters, Ebonie and Autumn”

and finally, winner of the Cruelest Parents of the Week award,

Braylon Leith, who “joins his brother, Lake”

-Sunny

Not a letter today, just a report from the frontlines of fright – Toys R Us.

I was at Toys R Us yesterday looking for parts for my Halloween costume, when I saw a rack of personalized items. You know, pencils, calculators, notebooks, necklaces…all girlie stuff.

Well, whoever makes these things knows the score, because there was gear for Cheyenne, Dakota, Hayley AND Hailey, Mackenzie, Makayla, Michele (as well as Michelle), Meghan AND Meagan AND Megan, and Destiny.

Four observations:

#1. When I was little, you could always find stuff with “Diane” on it, but no Diana at least 50 percent of the time. Now there’s Diana, but no Diane or even Dana.

#2. Kids with weird names are still screwed because of spellings. Imagine the feeling for little Mykenzie or Cheyanne or Destini when they find their name…but just one letter off! (Yeah, welcome to my world, kiddo!….Except my name’s real.)

#3. If I didn’t have this site and know where the trends are going (in a handbasket), I would have thought the buying manager was a) a freaky lady with at least 14 cats she dresses in baby clothes or b) totally and irretrievably insane. Perhaps both.

#4. A glimmer of hope: There’s still stuff for kids named Jane

I’m am taking this class in high school were we get to play with preschoolers and to be like teachers to them. In the preschool class there is a girl named Astarri. My friends and me told our teacher that was a cute name, my teacher asked us if we knew her last name. We all said no. She told us, no joke. Her last name is Night. Her name is Astarri Night, like a starry night.

I know she’s kidding, but I still hate anime
I’m a huge fan of the anime Dragonball Z and I want to name my future children after some of the characters. What do you think of the names: Piccolo, Dende, (for boys) and Bulma (for a girl)?

I also think the name Goku is sooo adorable! Of course I think naming a child Vegeta would be going too far.

-Clover

I love your site so much, and read it often, so when i saw this name I had to send it in. It’s the new girlfriend of a friend of mine, and he actually had to tell me how it was pronounced. Well, here it is:

Ceallaigh (pronounced Kelly). Keep up the great work!

One of the worst last names I have encountered so far belonged to Abdul Shitaway.

In the combo category – I once met a guy called Attila Leinhos (Leinhos is the last name, but still funny since it means “linen pants” (in German)- Hunnish conqueror ready for a night on the town?). Fortunately, he gave me his card instead of telling me his name, and I had a second to get my face back under control before looking up.

I know a family who named their sons Tade and Tido… I am assured these are real names, but still.

Also, a friend of mine is eternally grateful that she and her sister were born girls – they have very reasonable girls’ names, but the boys’ names her parents had picked out were Gernot and Giselher.

As for children suffering from names… I always think of a young woman who gave me an aggressive stare and said in a threatening tone, “but no stupid remarks” when I asked her name. Turns out she was called Scarlett, which isn’t half bad compared to some of the names I’ve seen here – and poor Scarlett was certainly scarred for life.

Sylvia