Category: Bad Baby Names

This girl I used to work with named her daughter Aziah Rayne. Asia Rain is bad enough, but Aziah Rayne? Then she decided she didn’t really like the name, was considering changing the name, and took to simply calling the kid “the baby.” Poor kid!

I just discovered this appalling collection of naming horrors:

Plenty of the names are bad, but ‘Kynedy’ (a Mini Supreme Girl) really takes the biscuit. My surname’s Kennedy, and I can’t see it as a particularly attractive first name for any child, girl or boy, anyway – but when it’s mangled this horribly, it makes me want to hide.

As for Camden – Camden’s a district of London full of goth shops and places to buy Andean musical instruments and dodgy smoking paraphenalia. Is this the image these people *really* want to attach to their child?

The site seems to be some sort of photo or beauty contest, but, just to be honest, a lot of the pictures are rather poor; whoever posted the pictures got a lot of the sizing wrong, so kids look all warped or fisheyed; and I’m deeply disturbed by the titles “Precious” and “Supreme” as opposed to “First” and “Second” or “Winner” and “Runner-up.”

Is this a cult or something? Anyone know? That might explain Jazmin, Taylah, Shayleigh, and the galaxy of Reagans.

Brynjar gets a pass, since his name appears to be Icelandic and the kid needs all the help he can get – his mom is a compulsive snapshot contest junkie: http://www.littleladiesandgentlemen.homestead.com

A couple years ago I was living in South Carolina and I met a girl named Rana. She pronounced it ray-nah, like the Spanish word for queen (reina), but as any Spanish speaker knows, rana is Spanish for…frog.

-Elizabeth

Speaking of the various Destiny’s and how they are spelled, when I was having my little boy, there was a baby in the nursery with the name tag of Destanee.

* I was talking to an acquaintance the other day and she told me that while shopping, she overheard a mother talking to her daughter – apparently the child’s name was Medusa.

* You mention an entry for a Richard Head – in Australia, we have a politician called Richard Face.

Cheers

(the very boringly named) Robyn.

Here’s a couple of brilliant names I have come across in my travels:

I went to school with two girls called Harmony and Melody. Yes, they were sisters, and Harmony was the eldest.

In first-year chemistry pracs there was a charming young man by the name of Stirling Dick. Surely his parents could have checked the combo before signing the birth certificate?

-L

I – I can’t help it. Although I have recently become addicted to babynames.com, I must “out” one of my fellow members, who has named her children some of the most godawful names I’ve ever seen – and I’ve read your ENTIRE site.

For purposes of verification: her username is Aubbie1 (this in itself is wearymaking and weird. Because why? Because her real name is Audrey. And Aubbie is certainly the obvious nickname for Audrey…on the planet Ookiebabytalk) and I’ve attached a post from her. These are her Darling Daughters:

Odyssey Sky (odie)
Ma’kaye’lynn Opal (mo)

Really, Ma’kaye’lynn deserves some sort of award, don’t you think? Random arrangement of unrelated syllables which manages to take that most odious (uh, sorry, Odie) of current trends, giving girls names beginning with Mc, which means, of course, “son of,” and turn it into SOMETHING EVEN WORSE; not one, but TWO apostrophes (what earthly purpose do they serve, anyway?); not just the usual obligatory Y but two of them; and the lovely finish of a perfectly incongruent middle name borrowed from someone’s elderly aunt.

Now for the punchline: God help us all, this woman is PREGNANT AGAIN.

— M.

i was at a bank of america in fresno, california a few years ago…and as god is my witness, the young woman who was my teller was named: aquanetta.

i was SO bowled over by this that i just simply HAD to comment how fabulous and unusual a name she had — and she replied that her mother had just made it up and named her that because she thought it sounded pretty.

it just doesn’t get any better than “aquanetta”, baby.

*violet*

ps) a few years ago, i was perusing the aol baby naming message boards and read a posting from a woman who was planning on naming her poooooooooor, unfortunate baby girl the following:

cymburleigh (that’s right…as in KIMBERLY)

what is UP with these goddamned dolts and their inexplicable “unique” spelling obsession, anyway?

After reading every word on your website, I realized that my contribution is fairly mundane, though I used to think it was the most pathetic name I had ever heard of. My co-worker’s 16 year old son and his girlfriend named their daughter Dazzlyn Serenity. Ye gods–babies naming babies. In a heartwarming example of perfect justice, the child, 3 years old now, is a little hellion and about as far from serene as it is possible to be.

-(Name withheld)

I attended the University of Mississippi in the 1980s, and there was an administrator there named Lady Love. She then proceeded to marry and use both her maiden and married name — and thus became Lady Love Long, which sounds a LOT like a porn movie to me.

Also — though there’s nothing wrong with these names in and of themselves — I went to high school with twin girls with names that, in their very Southern mother’s opinion, rhymed: Gail and Michelle.

Amy

Well, my daughter’s name is Olivia Caffeine. A bunch of us started discussing what our children’s names would be if we named them after the places we got engaged/married/etc… My husband proposed at this little cafe called Caffeine’s. It started as a joke and then stuck. People always give us strange looks and my mom asks if the next one will have the middle name “nicotine”! I admit pregnancy hormones probably had something to do with it but at least she’ll have a story when she’s older (if she’s speaking to us!)

Amyanne