Category: Bad Baby Names

I know a couple who is planning on naming their baby, if it is a girl, Jamison. Dad’s name is James. Last I heard, this means son of James, and not daughter of James.

-R.

I used to be a receptionist at a middle school. There were a large selection of stupid names, but a seventh grader named “Boomer” took the cake. He was a pretty bad kid, and I’d be pissed off too, if my name were Boomer. I can understand putting things like “Ricky” on the birth certificate, so no one can call you Dick. I even think I can understand the appeal of cute names like “Kyelee.” But Boomer? C’mon.

-C.

One of my friends is going to name her baby “London Miranda Puff *” — her mom is British. ugh! what is she thinking?

* Not her real last name, but it has a similar sound, so I used a fake one so you can enjoy the extra horror of having a last name with the same gutteral vowel sound as ‘London.’ London Puff. London Puff. Oy.

-L

Ahh, great names from Yuppieville.

Zoinishiaeya. I am not joking. She goes by Zo. Get this–her mother named her after her imaginary friend, because she promised the imaginary friend she would. So we have to honor the promises we give the figments of our imagination now?

Caityie. Now that’s just overkill. Ratio of 6:2 vowels to consonants, if you count “y” as a vowel.

A young couple I know named their baby girl Stormy Sky, and my (friend) wants to name a baby girl Nineveh. Nineveh happens to be where God wants Jonah to go to preach–it also happened, at the time, to be a city of sin rather similar to Sodom or Gomorrah. Oh, and she mentioned naming a girl Gomorrah until I pointed out the connotations.

– T.

I’ve read some bad names on your site, but I think this is one of the worst. It was posted on the pregnancy site I frequent. The woman loved the name Testament and wanted feed back. Testament besides sounding like Testicle, quite literally has roots in the word Testicle–apparently, before the Bible, men used to swear on their testicles, and thus the word Testament. Of course she wanted a “unique” name. Her baby’s father was partial to Lestat and she was dismayed to learn about the popularity of the Vampire Lestat. Someone suggested Ramses to her and I think she rather liked that.

Please, say it ain’t so!

-S.

My (relative) named her daughter Sydnei, pronounced “Sidney”. looks like it should be pronounced “Sid nay” or “Sid nee i”.

-L.

My best friend’s archnemisis in high school was named, no lie, Quishona (Kwee-shon-ah). To me this name sounds like an illness involving gross body noises. (Oh excuse me, that’s just my Quishona raging today)

There was another girl unfortunately named Chiquita. Every time I saw this girl all I could see was her in a grass skirt with fruit on her head.

-S

Everyone in my family has “family names” that have been passed down generation to generation, and they are all pretty unique. My name is Menden (nickname for Mendenhall), and I have cousins named Tate, Callie (nickname for Callahan) and Cabell (pronounced with a short “a”, like Cah-ble). Poor Cabell…his last name is Gobble, pronounced Go-ble. Cabell Gobble. Thought you might like that one.

– Menden Poole

At my family reunions, there’s: the twins, Aelon and Aemon (a woman and a man, respectively), Clifford, Garrison, and Serafina.

Unrelated: One of my (aquaintances) is named Hrothgar.

-R.

Here are my name anecdotes:
– Friend of a friend in Littleton, CO named Butterscotch.
– Husband went to college (Letourneau University in TX) with Crystal Glass and Anita Glass.
– And last but not least, another Harry—My friend (claims) he heard his pastor say one Sunday, “It’s so nice to see Nancy and Carol coming in with Harry Buttz.” Apparently Harry was an usher that day.

I tried to do my bit (honest I did) by telling my good friend not to name her daughter Haley under any circumstances. I explained to her that even though she had her heart set on it, so did every other mother born
between 1970 and 1978. I told her there were scores of little Haleys and Hailees and Hailleys running rampant. To my great relief, she took my advice. She didn’t name her daughter Haley. (wait for it)

She named her Madison.

AAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

-J.