Category: Bad Baby Names

I (know) a family who loves to name their kids a la Cletus the Slack-Jawed Yokel, of Simpsons fame. There’s a Tyler, Jessee, Hunter, Cody and Jordyn…bet you can’t guess who’s a boy or girl? And their last name’s Taylor for chrissakes! Tyler Taylor?! (He’ll grout your shower and alter your garments!)

-C

This is honest-to-G-d true. Here’s the background, in case you don’t believe me. I used to work with autistic kids, and two of my kids were “permanent placement” kids with a foster family. This family also took in other childred for short term stays. Once they had a teenager with a baby of her own. I kid you not, the baby was named “Tequila.”

-R

My dad’s name was Ceylon Ambrose! Yes, Ceylon, the name of the island of Sri Lanka before it reverted back to native control or whatever. He had a brother named Omar (as in Omar Sharif). Ugh. My mother’s name was Mary Armalene, the middle name being French. She never liked it, but I always thought it was kind of pretty–except that, as a first name, Armalene would probably be shortened to “Army”–not good!

When I was born, I guess they couldn’t decide what to name me, so they picked Lois (my dad’s sister) and Vivian (my mom’s sister), so that both sides of the family would be appeased. My brother got stuck with Lee Merle. I have no clue where that came from.

As a child, I hated the name “Lois.” It was old-fashioned and I never met anyone else with that name. Now I can see that it was at least unique and not too weird–and now that I’m older, I often meet women named Lois. My only real problem with it now is that NOBODY can spell it correctly! It gets spelled “Louis,” “Louise,” and even “Lisa.” How the hell does Lisa sound anything like Lois?? Why is my name so damned hard to spell? It’s gotten so that, whenever I have to give my name to someone over the phone, I automatically spell it because I know they’ll get it wrong. My last name gives me the same problems, because it’s a short, somewhat common name with an uncommon spelling, so I’m doubly cursed. Oh, well, at least I wasn’t named after an island nation. :\

– Lois

When I was TA for a class I had a student named “Holiday Season (last name)”. She very wisely went by Holly.

And I went to high school with “Alex Zander (last name)”.

-M.

There was a fifth grade teacher at Paumanock Elementary School in West Islip, New York, which was then renamed Masera School. But her name was Anita Weiner! How about that Mrs Weiner I need to use the bathroom!

-C

I went to college with a young woman by the name of Tantra Gharyl Morning Rain Puja . She had a younger brother named Quaker and sister named Bianu. She’s a great girl, but I don’t envy her

-E.

Most of these come from recent birth sections in my local city newspaper, but some names are ones that I know from babies or children at the childcare centre in which I worked for a month late last year, or from family friends.

Netley
Delicia
Weaver
Dalgety (last name D****y)
Bowie

Love
Ryly
Phaedra Moon
Rocky
Rocko

Rainbow
Micol (maybe that’s the medicine the mother was taking when she picked the name)
Romeo (a brother for Juliet. I am not joking)
Ellowese (rhymes with yellow wees too, for extra pleasure)
A family friend wanted to name their son Matthew, Matt for short. That was all good and fine, but Matt’s last name was Russ.

Destiny
Starbrite (This is the daughter of a 16 year old illiterate mother I found on a bullitin board. She has a two year old sister Destini and at least 3 possible fathers.)
Pleger Blake Blee (try and say that. His brother’s name was Flynn Blee)
Dante (last name Taylor-Peak. Do you see anything wrong with that picture?)
Shyralee (May be related to Shirley…)

Munday (as opposed to Wudnesday or Fruday)
Nakkaytah
Rafferty
Heaven (where their daughter will wish she is in a few years…)
Cara Mel
Macson

-A.

I have a couple of names:

Ardonius
Angel Wangel* (Wangel is the last name}
Pej’an {Pay-Jon}
Symonae {Si-mo-nay}
D’Amunique {Dee-ahm-yooniq}

-N.

* Not the real last name, but close, so you get the idea.

When I was telling someone about your website, they told me that one of their pregnant friends plans on naming her son Exzion. All I can think of the gas station Exxon lol.

-A.

One of my (relative’s) names is Evalea. Ever heard of it? Just looking to see how many other Evalea’s are actually out there in the world. Also, my sister is pregnant with a third child and she’s thinking of the name Tricell. To me, it sounds like a battery. My sis found it in an Avon book, for hand cream. I can’t stand to see the child suffer. I suggested Egwene. I’m no better than her I suppose.

-S.