Category: Bad Baby Names

Growing up my sister went to school with some very oddly named children:

Zachariah Buckbell Buchanan
Wendolyn Mage

…and my favorite…

Heidi Ann Seeke (her parents thought it would be fun)

My own parents believed that girls should have unique names and boys should have “good, sturdy names.” So the girls are named Shayla Mae, Alissa Dawn, and Aubrey Rose. My brothers are named Christopher Douglas (nearly Christopher Robin), Dave James, and James Dean. I was old enough to talk them out of Christopher Robin, but they wouldn’t listen when my sister and I argued against James Dean. Aubrey is from a Bread song released in the 70s.

I noticed that my name (Shayla) made one of the posts of “ridiculous” names. During high school, my name was constantly pronounced Shy-lah instead of SHAY-lah, and I’m perpetually having to tell people that I’m not Sheila. Having said that, I do like my name and it’s often shortened to Shay, which is unoffensive.

I’ve been told by several people of Arabic decent that there is a word that sounds like my name in their language and it means “Bargain” or “Good Deal”… Friends that overheard this quickly spread this around & they all say “What a Shayla I got on my new car!” or other similar phrases. There was also period in the 80s that I hated it, but that was because I was called She-ra by the kids at school or “He-Man’s Sister”….

The combination with my middle name sounds like The Hick Dream, doesn’t it? “Shayla Mae! Go feed them-there chickens!” I do get a lot of compliments on my first name though, which means “Hebrew princess” or “Of the Faerie Fort” depending upon which name book & etemology you choose to go with. I jokingly combine them into one–Hebrew Princess of the Faerie Fort–which connects nicely back to He-Man, don’t you think?

By the Power of Greyskull,
Shayla

I’ve got a friend whose sister named her child “Plumey”. Pronounced “ploo’-mee”.

Now, if I ever get to meet this child, I’m just going to associate her with those big feathers on those big marching band hats.

-O

i’m one of those unfortunate hippie offspring that someone else mentioned in your earlier pages. while my dad was driving my mom to the hospital to give birth on a june morning in the 70s, she saw the sun coming up and waxed poetic in her delirium. they decided to name me summer dawn.

it was a bitch of a name in junior high, what with the douche jokes and all (i don’t know why they didn’t see that coming…). but it’s okay now, particularly because i don’t use the middle name at all, and at least people tend to remember who i am. they still can’t spell it, though…i get “somer” and “sommer” all the time. who woulda thunk. interestingly, most people seem to assume that i’m black if they’ve only seen my name and never met me. (i’m not.) every school i’ve ever attended has had at least one other summer, but i don’t think i’ve ever met a summer who was black. i’m not sure what that’s about.

a couple of other interesting names for your hall of shame…i’m an alum of the university of kentucky, and i seem to recall another student on campus named summer earlywine. i also graduated with a girl named nahtanha (pronounced nah-TAWN-ah). i think she said that nahtanha means “cornflower” in a native american dialect, not sure which one. and my great-grandmother’s name was navada (pronouced nah-VAY-dah). of course you know she was called and spelled “nevada”, like the state, all her life. she was the oldest of ten, and by the time they got to her younger siblings, the creative juices must have petered out, because they got called stuff like james and willie.

summer

I’ve come across a few bad baby names in my day, and to my utter shame, the worst comes from my (relative). It was a slow descent into madness…her first child was Ashley Paige. The second one was the first to bear the burden of a second middle name – Alex Michaela Shea. Then the last and most horrible, her third child was a son – Justice Trey St. Christopher. And no, St. Christopher is not his last name.

Another of my (relative)’s married into an insane family. One of her grandchildren is Copper Wayne Richard. I was pushing for Zinc, personally.

Just wanted to tell you about a girl I went to high school with who was named Gina Nervina. But she always included her middle name when referring to herself. So, “Gina Christina Nervina”. Ouch.

-T

My (aquaintance)’s 3 kids:
Trystyn (we call him TRY STEIN)
Charysma
Dynali

-G

I work in retail and one day I heard a mother call her female preschooler “Barkley.” Horrible. It sounds like a muppet name. Also, I know a girl who named her baby girl “Haven.” Why in the world an unmarried, uneducated, jobless 18-year-old would consider that name for her child I will never know.

Thanks,
Alyxandryah (hah! It’s really easy screwing up names.) Gina (my actual name)

polyphony adams auditorium captious gimpy spur exoskeleton battlefield won affront gratify herringbone constituent doughnut bruckner bronchial calligraphy imposture dimethyl amphibious hapsburg capacitor agriculture dynasty future actuate charles reign spongy steuben opiate nod regretting

Actual name or the nearest thing: Charles
Almost a name: Adams, Bruckner, Steuben
Most likely to be used as a bad trendy name: Reign, Dynasty, Spur, Won
Least likely to be used as a bad trendy name: Auditorium, Constituent, Bronchial
“But it SOUNDS pretty”: Affront, Dimethyl, Polyphony
Random noun middle name, possibly used by hippies, Wiccans or drug dealers: Calligraphy, Gratify, Future, Opiate, Doughnut
Parents should be shot if they used: Gimpy, Battlefield, Regretting, Exoskeleton

cliche oilcloth buckhorn sanderson invent futile eben plentiful skin mila galvanic bilingual void above recession muir jessica forthright cowpox corrosive designate confront concurring match poole antacid camber griddle indochinese cohn monica rebut lad

Actual name or the nearest thing: Mila, Jessica, Monica
Almost a name: Eben, Camber, Poole, Muir
Most likely to be used as a bad trendy name: Sanderson, Cohn
Least likely to be used as a bad trendy name: Oilcloth, Futile
“But it SOUNDS pretty”: Corrosive, Galvantic
Random noun middle name, possibly used by hippies, Wiccans or drug dealers: Void, Invent, Plentiful
Parents should be shot if they used: Cliche, Recession, Antacid, Cowpox

haffet hiccupped simianity enameler. moreens stagedom glaucophanite suey grabble leglessness pillmonger. illumine pokerish virgules glamoury unrustic sphinges androgens sentry embroiling. nogal gularis fresco leglessness sulphoazotize thwacks dandydom microcentrosome. electrolytically proscribed qoph amphisbaenian unlogical dundee spinidentate remass. torahs pseudomorph mosquitocide tallymen semiautomatics adenosine.

Actual name or the nearest thing: None
Almost a name: Moreens, Dundee
Most likely to be used as a bad trendy name: Sentry, Fresco, Torahs, Glamoury
Least likely to be used as a bad trendy name: Everything over three sylables
“But it SOUNDS pretty”: Spinidentate
Random noun middle name, possibly used by hippies, Wiccans or drug dealers: Illumine, Simianity
Parents should be shot if they used: Leglessness, Pillmonger, Mosquitocide