Category: Bad Baby Names

hamburg enumerate shish lewd easygoing sidereal hughes jose wiremen ancillary scrawny redundant fairway fountain addend autonomy bodice stopband

Actual name or the nearest thing: Jose
Almost a name: Hughes
Most likely to be used as a bad trendy name: Fairway, Ancillary, Hamburg
Least likely to be used as a bad trendy name: Enumerate, Wiremen
“But it SOUNDS pretty”: Addend
Random noun middle name, possibly used by hippies, Wiccans or drug dealers: Fountain, Autonomy
Parents should be shot if they used: Scrawny, Redundant, Easygoing

neurolinguistic fingertip emacs guarani axiom thesaurus tanzania matriarch tram sport constrict

Actual name or the nearest thing: None
Almost a name: Guarani
Most likely to be used as a bad trendy name: Tram, Sport
Least likely to be used as a bad trendy name: Thesaurus
“But it SOUNDS pretty”: Emacs
Random noun middle name, possibly used by hippies, Wiccans or drug dealers: Tanzania, Axiom
Parents should be shot if they used: Neurolinguistic, Constrict

blackburn befell allergy, giveaway zoom, gab porterhouse mukden. canfield ecclesiastic sorghum stutter bruise passover armful, kennan journeyman dell.

Actual name or the nearest thing: Dell
Almost a name: Kennan, Canfield
Most likely to be used as a bad trendy name: Bruise, Porterhouse
Least likely to be used as a bad trendy name: Passover, Allergy
“But it SOUNDS pretty”: Sorghum
Random noun middle name, possibly used by hippies, Wiccans or drug dealers: Journeyman, Ecclesiastic, Zoom
Parents should be shot if they used: Stutter, Armful, Giveaway

It’s time for another theme week: Cooking With Spam!

You know those spams you get that are nothing but a string of random words at the end and you think, “Who is this company trying to sell me V-I-@-G-R-A and why do they think I’ll be more interested if they title the e-mail ‘Monkey Apple Carborator Skydiving’?” Well, it turns out spam is a great resource for naming ideas. This week, I’ll be going through a random sampling of spam and give you some tips on how to name your child through dodgy e-mails sent from the sons of deposed Nigerian generals.

Spam #1: effort opaque elliot nil hoosier jet instillation mann concierge disruption embraceable corporeal

Actual name or the nearest thing: Elliot
Almost a name: Mann
Most likely to be used as a bad trendy name: Jet, Nil
Least likely to be used as a bad trendy name: Instillation
“But it SOUNDS pretty”: Corporeal
Random noun middle name, possibly used by hippies, Wiccans or drug dealers: Opaque
Parents should be shot if they used: Concierge

I was wandering around an airport one day changing planes, and saw a guy with two kids named Cambria and Weatherly…spelling confirmed by the names written in marker on their backpacks. I live in a large, multicultural, metropolitan area, so not much really catches my attention these days, but… I also knew of a girl named Maybelline. Granted, it beats the hell out of Cover Girl or Max Factor.

-S

I had a (acquaintance) whose (relative) named a son Memphis Riley.

Who names their kid memphis especially when they’re from Michigan?

-P.

My husband and I do not have any children yet, but we’re thinking about it. To prepare, we’ve begun by looking at baby names. How about these?

Brynn Rose
Braydon

Personally I think they’re a little boring, but my husband likes them. I like….. Zoe, Jenna, Kaiden, Rapsidy, Milo, and Decland.

Thanks!
Jess

For those keeping score, that was 14 horrible ideas, lapses in judgement, or random acts of insanity contained in an e-mail only 53 words long. 15 if you count sending it to me.

I (knew) a girl named Princess. Regardless of the fact that princess is a title, not a name, that’s not the bad part. For simplicity’s sake, she signed her school assignments, etc. Princess, but her name was actually spelled j’Nea’t and pronounced “princess.”

She had a cap with “j’Nea’t” embroidered across the front. I tried for a while to logic out what that could mean before I finally asked her, and then my first answer was a very long sigh. It took me a while before I believed
her that it was actually her name, and that Princess really wasn’t a nickname but her family’s pronunciation of that strange assemblage of letters and apostrophes, but when her brother visited he verified the story. Evidently she was raised by her grandmother because her parents were too immature to care for a child, but they did
manage to saddle her with that name before they dropped her off for a permanent visit with Nana.

She was less than happy with her name, to say the least. To top it off, they didn’t give her a middle name. I suppose they figured they’d given her two names for the price of one, so why add another? Her mother gave her that cap; I guess she wore it just because it was from her mom, because she didn’t actually use the real spelling of her name unless she had to.

I felt pretty sorry for her. I lost touch with her after (I moved), but I think it’s probably a good bet that she legally
changed her name once she was on her own.

-I

I, Ariane am fourteen and after seeing your website Iam sick of people fucking with my name! Sticking ‘ah’s on the end of the like, and pronouncing it Ah-ree-aww-na or whatever. quote from friend Dom: “Sounds like a yawn”. And for the record haveing a ‘unique’ name can be frustrating and lonely when everyone else who you know has a sheet of laura stickers or an amy notebook. I got so jealous as a kid!!! And everyone callls me Az anyway.

All I wanted to say was unusual can be good but is not the only option

lalala
bye!

-Ariane

I was a social worker in foster care and came across many bad names.

My favorites include:

Wilsdarian
LaTashiana (not many 5 syllable names out there)
Clomie Neko

and my personal favorite, Shitay.

-R