Author Archives: notwithoutmyhandbag

I had a (acquaintance) whose (relative) named a son Memphis Riley.

Who names their kid memphis especially when they’re from Michigan?

-P.

My husband and I do not have any children yet, but we’re thinking about it. To prepare, we’ve begun by looking at baby names. How about these?

Brynn Rose
Braydon

Personally I think they’re a little boring, but my husband likes them. I like….. Zoe, Jenna, Kaiden, Rapsidy, Milo, and Decland.

Thanks!
Jess

For those keeping score, that was 14 horrible ideas, lapses in judgement, or random acts of insanity contained in an e-mail only 53 words long. 15 if you count sending it to me.

I (knew) a girl named Princess. Regardless of the fact that princess is a title, not a name, that’s not the bad part. For simplicity’s sake, she signed her school assignments, etc. Princess, but her name was actually spelled j’Nea’t and pronounced “princess.”

She had a cap with “j’Nea’t” embroidered across the front. I tried for a while to logic out what that could mean before I finally asked her, and then my first answer was a very long sigh. It took me a while before I believed
her that it was actually her name, and that Princess really wasn’t a nickname but her family’s pronunciation of that strange assemblage of letters and apostrophes, but when her brother visited he verified the story. Evidently she was raised by her grandmother because her parents were too immature to care for a child, but they did
manage to saddle her with that name before they dropped her off for a permanent visit with Nana.

She was less than happy with her name, to say the least. To top it off, they didn’t give her a middle name. I suppose they figured they’d given her two names for the price of one, so why add another? Her mother gave her that cap; I guess she wore it just because it was from her mom, because she didn’t actually use the real spelling of her name unless she had to.

I felt pretty sorry for her. I lost touch with her after (I moved), but I think it’s probably a good bet that she legally
changed her name once she was on her own.

-I

I, Ariane am fourteen and after seeing your website Iam sick of people fucking with my name! Sticking ‘ah’s on the end of the like, and pronouncing it Ah-ree-aww-na or whatever. quote from friend Dom: “Sounds like a yawn”. And for the record haveing a ‘unique’ name can be frustrating and lonely when everyone else who you know has a sheet of laura stickers or an amy notebook. I got so jealous as a kid!!! And everyone callls me Az anyway.

All I wanted to say was unusual can be good but is not the only option

lalala
bye!

-Ariane

I was a social worker in foster care and came across many bad names.

My favorites include:

Wilsdarian
LaTashiana (not many 5 syllable names out there)
Clomie Neko

and my personal favorite, Shitay.

-R

I went to school with two girls named Brie and Airy, both of whom mocked me mercilessly.

I called them Cheese and Airhead, but only behind their backs.

-J.

From last week’s paper:

“A Mill Valley man who was arrested after a standoff at his home pleaded innocent Thursday to six felony counts, including assault with a firearm.

Kelso Park Martinis, 38, was arrested May 12 after a woman told police station that her husband had pointed a shotgun at her head.

The woman told police her husband owned numerous guns, had been drinking and had told her to kill him.”

Ah, but WHAT had he been drinking? We may never know. Perhaps it was a dry drink – shaken, not stirred – enjoyed at a tres chic oak paneled hotel piano bar in Midtown Manhattan. No, that’s just his name. So I guess it was something else.

Here are some unique names I’ve come across with in my years:

I went to (a kind of beauty) school in the 80’s with a girl named Chamonix.
I went to elementary school with a girl named Pepper.
I have a (friend or relative) named Flossie (sounds like a cow’s name)

My (friend or relative) also named her kids: Dakota Zolan, Summer Steel, and Zachary Colt. They sound like soap opera names to me.

-P.

Flipping through the dials a while back and saw “Jeopardy” game show contestant Kerry Kelly. I thought HIS name was almost as bad as a “Ryan Ryan” I knew–but then, Ryan was the Ryan family’s DOG…

-M.

This is why I fear reading the paper in June: Graduation/celebration stories. Here’s the first name of every kid mentioned in one story in yesterday’s paper, ages 8-12. I’m including the non-awful ones so you can see the percentages of good to bad to ugly for yourself.

Good:
Rebecca
Elizabeth
Kelly

Bad:
Tori
Tucker

Ugly:
Stephany
Daryn

Brain-melty:
Shaylin
Kyleigh