Author Archives: notwithoutmyhandbag

My (aquaintance)’s 3 kids:
Trystyn (we call him TRY STEIN)
Charysma
Dynali

-G

I work in retail and one day I heard a mother call her female preschooler “Barkley.” Horrible. It sounds like a muppet name. Also, I know a girl who named her baby girl “Haven.” Why in the world an unmarried, uneducated, jobless 18-year-old would consider that name for her child I will never know.

Thanks,
Alyxandryah (hah! It’s really easy screwing up names.) Gina (my actual name)

polyphony adams auditorium captious gimpy spur exoskeleton battlefield won affront gratify herringbone constituent doughnut bruckner bronchial calligraphy imposture dimethyl amphibious hapsburg capacitor agriculture dynasty future actuate charles reign spongy steuben opiate nod regretting

Actual name or the nearest thing: Charles
Almost a name: Adams, Bruckner, Steuben
Most likely to be used as a bad trendy name: Reign, Dynasty, Spur, Won
Least likely to be used as a bad trendy name: Auditorium, Constituent, Bronchial
“But it SOUNDS pretty”: Affront, Dimethyl, Polyphony
Random noun middle name, possibly used by hippies, Wiccans or drug dealers: Calligraphy, Gratify, Future, Opiate, Doughnut
Parents should be shot if they used: Gimpy, Battlefield, Regretting, Exoskeleton

cliche oilcloth buckhorn sanderson invent futile eben plentiful skin mila galvanic bilingual void above recession muir jessica forthright cowpox corrosive designate confront concurring match poole antacid camber griddle indochinese cohn monica rebut lad

Actual name or the nearest thing: Mila, Jessica, Monica
Almost a name: Eben, Camber, Poole, Muir
Most likely to be used as a bad trendy name: Sanderson, Cohn
Least likely to be used as a bad trendy name: Oilcloth, Futile
“But it SOUNDS pretty”: Corrosive, Galvantic
Random noun middle name, possibly used by hippies, Wiccans or drug dealers: Void, Invent, Plentiful
Parents should be shot if they used: Cliche, Recession, Antacid, Cowpox

haffet hiccupped simianity enameler. moreens stagedom glaucophanite suey grabble leglessness pillmonger. illumine pokerish virgules glamoury unrustic sphinges androgens sentry embroiling. nogal gularis fresco leglessness sulphoazotize thwacks dandydom microcentrosome. electrolytically proscribed qoph amphisbaenian unlogical dundee spinidentate remass. torahs pseudomorph mosquitocide tallymen semiautomatics adenosine.

Actual name or the nearest thing: None
Almost a name: Moreens, Dundee
Most likely to be used as a bad trendy name: Sentry, Fresco, Torahs, Glamoury
Least likely to be used as a bad trendy name: Everything over three sylables
“But it SOUNDS pretty”: Spinidentate
Random noun middle name, possibly used by hippies, Wiccans or drug dealers: Illumine, Simianity
Parents should be shot if they used: Leglessness, Pillmonger, Mosquitocide

hamburg enumerate shish lewd easygoing sidereal hughes jose wiremen ancillary scrawny redundant fairway fountain addend autonomy bodice stopband

Actual name or the nearest thing: Jose
Almost a name: Hughes
Most likely to be used as a bad trendy name: Fairway, Ancillary, Hamburg
Least likely to be used as a bad trendy name: Enumerate, Wiremen
“But it SOUNDS pretty”: Addend
Random noun middle name, possibly used by hippies, Wiccans or drug dealers: Fountain, Autonomy
Parents should be shot if they used: Scrawny, Redundant, Easygoing

neurolinguistic fingertip emacs guarani axiom thesaurus tanzania matriarch tram sport constrict

Actual name or the nearest thing: None
Almost a name: Guarani
Most likely to be used as a bad trendy name: Tram, Sport
Least likely to be used as a bad trendy name: Thesaurus
“But it SOUNDS pretty”: Emacs
Random noun middle name, possibly used by hippies, Wiccans or drug dealers: Tanzania, Axiom
Parents should be shot if they used: Neurolinguistic, Constrict

blackburn befell allergy, giveaway zoom, gab porterhouse mukden. canfield ecclesiastic sorghum stutter bruise passover armful, kennan journeyman dell.

Actual name or the nearest thing: Dell
Almost a name: Kennan, Canfield
Most likely to be used as a bad trendy name: Bruise, Porterhouse
Least likely to be used as a bad trendy name: Passover, Allergy
“But it SOUNDS pretty”: Sorghum
Random noun middle name, possibly used by hippies, Wiccans or drug dealers: Journeyman, Ecclesiastic, Zoom
Parents should be shot if they used: Stutter, Armful, Giveaway

It’s time for another theme week: Cooking With Spam!

You know those spams you get that are nothing but a string of random words at the end and you think, “Who is this company trying to sell me V-I-@-G-R-A and why do they think I’ll be more interested if they title the e-mail ‘Monkey Apple Carborator Skydiving’?” Well, it turns out spam is a great resource for naming ideas. This week, I’ll be going through a random sampling of spam and give you some tips on how to name your child through dodgy e-mails sent from the sons of deposed Nigerian generals.

Spam #1: effort opaque elliot nil hoosier jet instillation mann concierge disruption embraceable corporeal

Actual name or the nearest thing: Elliot
Almost a name: Mann
Most likely to be used as a bad trendy name: Jet, Nil
Least likely to be used as a bad trendy name: Instillation
“But it SOUNDS pretty”: Corporeal
Random noun middle name, possibly used by hippies, Wiccans or drug dealers: Opaque
Parents should be shot if they used: Concierge

I was wandering around an airport one day changing planes, and saw a guy with two kids named Cambria and Weatherly…spelling confirmed by the names written in marker on their backpacks. I live in a large, multicultural, metropolitan area, so not much really catches my attention these days, but… I also knew of a girl named Maybelline. Granted, it beats the hell out of Cover Girl or Max Factor.

-S