I myself have never ventured into the dark world of baby name websites, but I worked for a few years at a neighborhood health center, and I saw bizarre names there on a daily basis. I present to you a few of my favorites:

Stallion Wong – You just KNOW he wears Coke-bottle glasses and is small for his age.

Placenta – I know that stories of “placenta” being used as a name were debunked in the Snopes article, but I did actually see this on a medical record, so somebody’s done it.

Magina – Yes, it rhymed with vagina. And, to add insult to injury, it was a boy’s name.

iMichael’s – I swear I’m not making this up, and that this is how it was spelled on the child’s medical record. I really feel for this kid, and not just because the name’s from BizarroLand; if his mother felt that she had to assert his paternity that strongly, he’s got bigger problems. This also makes me wonder if there’s any chance that the abbreviation “dh” sometimes stands for “designated husband” – given the Springerosity of these people, it wouldn’t surprise me in the least.

Herpes (at least 2 children) – Repulsed as I am by the concept of naming-by-meaning, this is one of those times when a bit of research could have come in handy. A large percentage of the health center’s clients spoke English as a second language or not at all, and as a result there were some unintentionally tragic names when the parents would hear a word and think it
sounded nice, but not know what it meant (a variant on Dakota/Lakota Syndrome). “Herpes” would have been pronounced “heir-PEZ” (to rhyme with the French label Hermes), and when said like that is actually kind of nice. Until you find out it’s an STD, and spend the rest of your life paying your child’s psychotherapy bills.

“Little Rice in Heaven” – Possibly the out-and-out weirdest one I’ve ever come across. A woman, who would now be about 40, had a name that translated into English as “Little Rice in Heaven.” This was not due to a translation accident – her parents were native speakers of the language in which she had been named – nor did it have any obvious significance either in the language generally or in the regional dialect they spoke. No one, including the woman herself, had ever heard of it before or since. It was as if I had named a baby “French Fries from Hell” or “Cole Slaw Ahoy!” (or, should I
say, “Kole Slaw Ahoy!”).

Thanks for the site, and the best laugh I’ve had in ages.

– Elena