My best friend recently got pregant, which wouldn’t be so bad if we weren’t both seventeen. When she told her circle of friends she’d be keeping the baby she also told us what she would be naming it. We prayed it would be a boy, because that name- Aiden- wasn’t too bad.

But irony had a sense of humor, and my friend found out that it would a girl last June. Since then myself and another of her friends have been on a mission to find her a new name that she would like but that would also cut down on the future child’s therapy bill. I came across this sight a couple days ago during my ever frenzied search and realized that while the name could be a lot worse, it also probably belonged here.

We have a week to go until she’s due and we haven’t found anything that makes the grade. So come next Wednesday the world is going to great little Gaea. Its supposed to be the name of mother earth in Greek mythology, but you try explaining that to..well, ANYONE.

Especially when you consider the father, whose gayness can be seen from space, but is unfortuanely so far deep in the closet that he doesn’t even know he’s in there yet.

There you have it. The baby’s situation isn’t the best in the world- the baby of a teenage mother and an absentee father who should be auditioning for a bit part in ‘Will and Grace’-and this name doesn’t help. God knows I love her, but I keep praying her mother-the baby’s grandmother-will have the good sense to step in and save her
grandchild.

-S.