Okay, here’s a truly awful story about my poor goddaughter and godson. My best friend decided when she was sixteen that her first daughter was going to be named Tear, as in “shed a tear for me.” All I can attribute it to is the drugs.

Anyway, when she was twenty, she found out she was pregnant, and having a girl. By then I had come on the scene. She’d decided to name the poor defenceless child Hannah (pronounced HAWN-nah with a horribly gurgled h-sound) Dani-Ella (to make sure everyone pronounced it Dahni-ella)…and here’s the truly sad part… Taeyhr, some screwed up spelling of tear to make it “unique”. Like “Tear” isn’t “unique” (read stupid and demeaning) enough. I nearly killed her.

I finally got her down to Naomi Danielle Taeyhr (alas, the stupid name was there to stay). Unfortunately, not long after this we watched Van Wilder and discovered that Naomi is I moan spelled backwards. She decided to never take my advice on a baby name again.

Thanks a lot, Van Wilder! Because of you my hometown will soon have a potential serial killer by the name of Asher Daytona Brighton {last name} wandering around just waiting for a chance to take us all out with an Uzi.

-a.