Seems Midwesterners have more wholesome values, because the St. Louis edition of “American Idol” was strangely lacking in funny names. But what they lacked in quanitity, they made up in quality.

Osbourne Smith II gets a certain amount of a pass because it’s a family name, and his dad, being baseball legend Ozzie Smith, could beat me up. Plus, Li’l Oz can sing beautifully.

I’ll also give a mini-pass to Dirk, who despite being named Dirk, was a big ol’ geek, and I love guys that play against type. I’m going to name my kid Rock Brickjaw and raise him to avoid sunlight and study for Mathletes on Saturday nights.

Sadly, that was it. All the usual craziness apparently was boiled down, processed, refined, Pasteurized and encapsulated in one name: Aa’shia. Seriously. Aa’shia. And she made it to the next round, so we’ll get at least one more chance to contemplate what the hell’s wrong with the world.