Tag Archives: letters

I had the misfortune last year, of doing some work at a private religious schooling facility near where I lived. Amongst the students was a girl called Deztini. Bleach-blonde little girl about 11 years old, spoilt by her folks (her mother seems to have been far too influenced by the Krystyl Dolfin era of kewl grrl namezz!1!1!!), blasted rap music without having a clue what the words were.

… And her freaking name was *Deztini*, of course, pronounced as ‘destiny’. The pain, the pain.

-A.

Surprise, surprise, all searches I did for “Deztini” turned up porn sites, porn stars and escorts.

I grew up in Hawaii, where parents could get pretty creative with naming children, with some disastrous results:

In my high school alone, there were two sisters named Blessing and Gaiety (I know they had another sister, but can’t remember the name). Another girl was named Blue Hawaii.

In my culture (I won’t name it, for fear that people can poke further fun) parents like to meld their names together when naming their child. As you can imagine, there can be a lot of original and unique names:

Argyle (Gil and Arceli–I used to kid him about being named after a sock…)
Arleigh (Argyle and Leilani–conglomeration of his older sister and brother. I saw this name pop up at the USS Arizona memorial. However, I don’t think the parents had a clue.)
Mariecon (My sister, melding after my mother’s two first names…”maricon” in spanish just happens to be a slang term for homosexual.)
JoMar (Joe and Maria)
I think I may have shared too many clues to remain anonymous.

-Cynthia

Well, I found a bunch of Mariecons, mostly Filipino (a ha! Nice try, Cynthia!). I only mention this because the Philippines was a Spanish colony for over 300 years – apparently the term ‘maricon’ (and it is a very rude term) developed sometime after 1898.

And this is a really obscure comment, but the name JoMar makes me immediately think of the masterwork of film “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” (1964). In this cinematic triumph, most of the Martian’s names end with -mar (for Martian! Get it?!): Bomar, Momar, Girmar (played by Pia Zadora!), etc.

Really, this is funny and disturbing at the same time…All I can think is what a nation of retarded imbeciles we have become…and how soft and ignorant we are becoming as well. I liked the guy who asked all these women if they were intentionally paying homage to Scotland. Half of these twits were probably like “Huh???” Also, they try to give their kids really prestigious, dignified, and in some cases godly names. Imagine, though, a hypothetical conversation between parents:

“John, wake up. Heaven just crapped the bed again.”

“You’re going to have to clean it up, Mary….Destiny’s got a crayon stuck up her nose again.”

F@#$ing yuppie scum! (or, even worse, Wannabe-Yuppie Scum, like my high school friend, who is now a plumber’s helper living in Palm Bay, FL- the city with no Palms and no Bays- , and his utter bitch of a wife, who named their kids Scout and some other douchebag name that I can’t even make myself remember).

I hate them and want them to all die. I go to sign my kids into daycare, and the sign-in sheet is just pages and pages of Kyleighs and Tylers and Taylors and Morgans and McKenzies and Codys and Britneighs, and it makes me want to vomit my small intestine up for their viewing pleasure.

Dammit.

-Dave

I almost forgot my all-time favourite, spotted on a lady’s credit card when I worked in a restaurant: Saffron Gardenchild. Bizarrely, I mentioned this to a friend who turned out to know her and swears this is her real name, not one she changed as an adolescent.

Kate

Hi,

Now I have to agree Dacoda (in the Bottom 25) is pretty bad but my close friends nieces name is DECODER meant to be Dakota but mum thought that was how you spell it!

-Stacey, Australia

Meet Warronnica Harris and Terrell Tolson.

The Florida couple got popped this week at a St. Petersburg theater after Harris, 23, allegedly refused to end a cell phone call as the opening credits for “Catwoman” rolled. When an off-duty police officer working at the theater tried to curtail her chat, Harris announced that “she could talk as much as she wanted on her phone,” according to this police report.

In short order, Tolson, 25, joined in, allegedly telling Officer John Douglas that he would kick the cop’s ass. The report quotes Harris as saying she would “hit the cracker in his head.” In a bid to subdue the duo (pictured below in mug shots snapped by the Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office), Douglas blasted them with pepper spray. Harris and Tolson were eventually charged with disorderly conduct–and spared having to sit through another Halle Berry bomb.

Cal education secretary urged to step down over remarks to child

LOS ANGELES (AP) — California Education Secretary Richard Riordan is facing calls for his ouster, and others for forgiveness, after he told a child at a library her name meant “stupid dirty girl.” The remark also posed a political quandary for the man who appointed him, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger. …

The conversation, videotaped by KEYT-TV, took place Thursday at a promotional event for summer reading at Santa Barbara’s central library. The girl, 6-year-old Isis D’Luciano, asked Riordan if he knew that her name meant “Egyptian goddess.”

Riordan replied, “It means stupid dirty girl.”

After nervous laughter in the room, the girl again told Riordan the meaning of her name.

“Hey, that’s nifty,” he said.

A day later, Riordan issued a statement that said he “teased” the girl. “I immediately apologized to her and I want to do so again for the misunderstanding,” Riordan said. …

The girl’s mother, Trinity Lila of Goleta, said her daughter was fine and she considered the issue over.
“Obviously it hurt her feelings but she didn’t take it personally. She knew he was wrong and she let it go,” Lila said. “I’m not going to sue them for therapy bills.”

“He’s already apologized repeatedly,” Lila added. Although Riordan’s office has tried to contact her, “I don’t see what else is to be done.”

At a time when Schwarzenegger has been trying to push his budget through the Legislature — it’s already more than a week overdue — the Riordan controversy has been an unwelcome distraction. A group of civil rights organizations, including the NAACP, planned to protest Riordan’s remarks at the Capitol Thursday.

But the organizer, state Assemblyman Mervyn Dymally, D-Los Angeles, canceled it after an apparent mix-up over the girl’s racial background.

Dymally was quoted in the San Jose Mercury News Thursday saying the child was “a little African-American girl. Would he (Riordan) have done that to a white girl?”

The girl is Caucasian, with blond hair.

OK, who thought Mama Trinity was going to turn out to be the most ape-shit person in the story? Show of hands? Aren’t we pleasantly surprised? And who else thinks Dymally and the civil rights groups just revealed their own hidden racism?

Yeah, me too.

scooblover sends in this news item:

Sheen and Richards Too Old-Fashioned for Baby

Expecting parents Charlie Sheen and Denise Richards have decided to buck the Hollywood trend of fancy names, by giving their child an old-fashioned moniker. The screen stars, who are expecting their first child together early next spring, have opted against anything too flashy for their new arrival, because they don’t want their offspring to resent them when he or she gets older. Sheen says, “I think we’re gonna go a little old-fashioned and try to keep it simple. Like for boys, Jack and Bob, and for a girl like Sue or Mary. I just think parents don’t think 20 years ahead when they name their kid: ‘This is my son Shalamar.’ It becomes a curse for the child. It’s terrible.”

(PS – They named their two daughters Sam and Lola.]

I love your website. I laughed so hard! We have some interesting names in our family. I just wondered what you thought of these.

My son was the first grandchild, his name is Sharod (sounds like Jared). [middle name Blaine]. …

I am now expecting … If it is a girl, she will be AuraLia and if we have a boy it will be Timothy Burke.

My cousin has a boy, Tacoma and a girl, Taigely.

Another cousin named her daughter Mesa Miranda. Her and her husband are both cops.

My husband has a cousin named Memory.

I just thought I would send them in. Keep the laughs coming. You are great!

Amy

I love your site! I’ve known a few people with bad names:

Lloyd Ann (she went by L.A.) – guess even after she was born, they STILL weren’t sure if they had a boy or girl.

Kael (if there had been a twin sister, would she have been Lettus?). I thought surely you would only give a sweet baby such an awful name if Kael was a rich, childless, sickly uncle whom you hoped would leave everything to your son. Nope – according to the dad, the mom is a huge fan of college sports, and Kael was some great wrestling athlete in Iowa whom she admired.

Uh-huh. Paternity test, anyone?

Benjamin O’Bannon – doesn’t seem like a bad name? His parents called him Jamin. The only possible career path for this child is DJ.

Ariel (Ahr-ee-ELL) – named after the Little Mermaid, but pronounced the way the crab in the movie says it. It was a toss-up for the Mom between Ariel and Aurora (another Disney princess character). Claaaassy. The one who hates the name the most? The step mom – she’s afraid everyone will think she’s the one who names kids after cartoon characters!

-J.