Category: Bad Baby Names

(or…Why we need more realistic and forthright sex ed, complete with training in euphemisms and slang.)

We have a hard time believing these people are serious, but look at this…

“Vote on cute twin names. Which is the cutest? Got any more?

• Aubree and Audrey

• Isabel and Jisabelle (Izzy and Jizzy)
• Hailey and Baeley
• Jade and Jaeden
• Nicholas and Nicole (Nick and Niki)
• Adrian and Adrianna
• Tristan and Trista
• Maxwell and Mathew (Max and Matt)
• Lathon and Nathan
• Landon and Brandon”

-Stuart

To be fair, the poster’s bio says she’s 15, and is (we can pray) posting on behalf of another family member. To be more realistic, it also says her neice is to be named Kymberlyn, and her favorite piece of advice is “think before you talk.”

Well she didn’t do it, but a friend of mine suffered so badly from morning sickness she was considering Mylanta and Gaviscon.

People – listen to one who knows (my name is so strange it would invite way too much ridicule) Don’t do it! Your kids will hate you forever. I had the papers to change my name to Anna at 15 – only didn’t because my mum was heartbroken. Every day I wish I had a normal name!

-Amarylise

Honey Bacon.

Thankfully this person wasn’t born with this name, they married in to the Bacon family. (Mr. Bacon is premier of Tasmania.)

I think the name Honey is bad enough to make your list.

-Renee

The hospital in the town where I grew up has a “new baby listing” online. Worst one I’ve ever seen:

Roselynn-Pantera Sierra-Iris

Not only that, when I emailed my best friend with “you have to see this!” she wrote back:

“Oh my god! I know the father!!”

Ew.

-Heather

Thought I would share the names of two children that I babysat a few years ago. One was Talon (yeah, like an eagle’s claw. . .can just see him riding his Harley away) and the other was Tage. Tage. Tage? (Rhymes with sage.)

I could not find any nicknames out of their first names for either one to call them to avoid calling them by their real names. I also am afraid that neither of the poor little guys had a middle name to use. If they both decide to go by their initials, then they will have the same name.

Either one is bad, but as brothers? Tage and Talon. . .Talon and Tage.

In your bottom 25 you have the name Kason, but, in my opinion, you don’t have the worst part about the name. It sounds like caisson, those rolling pieces of ordnance that were used to get cannon into place, and then used to remove the bodies from the battle field afterward. Along with Todd (German for death), it’s a name that makes me wonder whether these people really wanted children.

Thank you for such an entertaining site.

Best,
Fabrisse