Author Archives: notwithoutmyhandbag

I was watching the local news the other night, and a reporter was talking to people in a Birmingham mall about the whole Michael Jackson thing. One young man had the charming moniker of Demon. I’m sure it’s pronounced the way Devon is…. at least I hope so. Didn’t this mother notice how it looked on the birth certificate though?
~Laura

I went to Junior High and High School with a kid named William Smallwood. We called him Willy. I was also friends with Richard Johnson. His nickname is Dick Dick. What is it with people and naming their kids after penises?

Glad to have a normal name,
-E.

Just lost a couple hours reading your hilarious bad baby names site. Before I had kids of my own, I might have accused you of making it all up. Why are people so mean to their kids?

My children go to school with:

(Girls)
Carlin
Linzee
Dayshur
Dacia
Mickaylah
J’nay
Kyrlee
Amandalynn
Alisheia
Lynzi
Korissa
Alyss

(Boys)
Daytavion
Drake
Riely
Kalyn
Tristran
Breton (poor kid signs his name “Bret”)
Chance

…and those are just from the kids who made the Honor Roll.

-M.

Zaneithan Anthony. Arrrrgh!

From what black hole of awfulness can those parents have pulled that name?

-Lucy

The site Lucy found the name on is a hospital in Napa, Calif. Some other names from January:

Domonik, Mysterie Sabrena Lee Na\\’Koal, Ayteen Miyuckie, Makayla, and Fuery Elijah.

No, I don’t know what the punctuation is in Na\\’Koal. And in her picture ’18’ (or is that ‘A*Teen’?) appears to be  Asian, and therefore her parents should know how to spell Miyuki without the, you know, gruesome trauma. Ow….my brain!

I work with a lot of guys and girls from all over the world, and, as with everyone, 99% of them are good people. The thing is, once in a while we get a name that just stops you dead in your tracks. These guys names are probably perfectly good in whatever context they were named in, but when they are suddenly in suburban England………. ouch.

Examples.
I had a guy called Bigboy working for me.

Godknow Chegevara. Well, Che’s been dead for sometime, so I guess God Knows him. That name also lead to a lot of hilarity (in an Abbott and Costello style) when you didn’t know who was working where. ‘whos on line 1?’ ‘God knows!’ ‘Is he?’ ‘no, I mean….’ and so on.

Shitole – ’nuff said.

Bebey Joseph. All the girls think that one’s cute.

add those to the Memorys, Constances, Patiences, and so on, roll cal l can be interesting.

-M

so, i got curious when i went to the hospital website to see my friend’s baby girl (Juliana Erin – she did a pretty good job with that one), so i started looking at the names of other babies…..

and i’m not kidding, people actually named their children these names:

Shan’thony (yes, the apostrophe is there, AND its a girl)
Calex (isn’t that some sort of abrasive you clean the bathtub with?)
Gilroy (that’s just cruel)
K’Neil (so…..is the K silent?)
Norland (playground torture guaranteed)
McKinley (as in….the mountain??)
Braxton (as in… false labor pains?)
Britash (couldn’t decide between Britany & Ashley, so they made her sound like she’s from London)
Michaelangelo (mmmm……okaaaaaay….)
Prekton, Jaizek, Taylen, & Jazzlyn (ok, now they’re just making shi* up)

and I shi* you not, someone actually named their child (boy)…… Monkey.

Kind of makes you understand why there are 10,000 Caleb’s, Jacob’s, Madison’s, and Emily’s…. they’d just rather stick with something safe.

-K.

My husband’s step-father is Al Laddin. No joke. And my mother-in-law’s name? Alicia. They are both ‘Al’ Laddins!

-T

We learn english as a second language here, and the children get to pick their own names (or their teachers pick for them) during their first secondary year.

I have seen “Hymen”, “Lake”, “Peninsula”, “Banana” and “Grape”. But nothing tops “Harem”. One wonders how they came up with those. Sticking a pin randomly into the dictionary seems to help.

They would be better off with conventional names like “John” or “Mary” etc.

-M.

i just found bad baby names, it is 5 am and i’m still reading and laughing.

had to comment on the reader suggesting beyonce. i once heard this name referred to as a contraction of “bitch fiancee” and ever since… yeah. as the name soars in popularity i have more and more reasons to giggle.

-B.

i went to school with a girl named Tiara. Last name, Gallup. There’s not much else i can say on that.

-B.