You guys know the Carol Wright catalog, right? It’s an old-people catalog I fondly remember as the source of my grandmother’s address labels and stove-top cover. A lot of the stuff in it is useful if you’re on the older, less mobile side (an ice scraper for your windshield with an extra long handle) or is extremely ugly (an afghan with horses on it with a poem about how a daughter is a special kind of angel…the kind that’s a friend.)

Oh, how Grandpa loved Farting Santa

So imagine my surprise when I saw the Carol Wright catalog in the recycle bin in my apartment – an elderly neighbor gets every catalog ever – flipped it open and saw this…

Click to enlarge…he he…large.

…and I think it’s great. Your average senior isn’t going to want to use the internet or go to Good Vibrations for their “special” toys. They’re going to mail order them from the same catalog where they got the pill holder with alarm clock on it, non-slip chair cushions, and the tote bag with the ballerina on it personalized for their granddaughter. I kinda hope not at the same time, but stamps cost money.

I also appreciate that on some of them they use euphemisms like “personal massager,” but on most, they’re totally straight-forwarded on things like g-spot stimulation, using it with a partner, etc. But dang it, Carol, there was no warning this catalog was now NSFB (Not Safe For Bingo.) Also – naked workout video! That’s genius! Why have I never heard of this before?

Check out this tid-bit down in the corner:

Flirty!

This is pretty racy by the catalog’s standard of Little House on the Prairie nightwear. I think it’s the only one in there without long sleeves. It comes in sizes up to 5X. That’s a biiiiig nightgown. My question is this: How does 5X only cost $3 more than a S? A S is for about a 34″ bust. A 5X is for at least a 60″. Double the fabric for 17% more money. I think anyone buying a S isn’t getting their money’s worth. Buy a 5X and invite your partner to get into it with you.