Category: Bad Baby Names

Sexy Couple Seeks Playmate

I like the name Jayden for a girl and Jaden for a boy. I’m also thinking of other bisexual names.

Try taking out a personal ad in the adult weekly.

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Why George Michael Was Busted

How about Lou? When I was in England, I heard that name and it seemed to have a little tinkle to it. Randy is good too.

You weren’t listening QUITE hard enough in England, were you?

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Kids Are Dumb

I am having this baby boy on Aug 6. Dad and I love Alexander Scott but our last name is Smith. Will the initals be a huge problem? We don’t want him to be teased.

That’s OK. Kids are pretty uncreative when it comes to teasing. They’ll never eventually spot that one.

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Grumpy

What are your opinions on the name “Flower“? Pretty, or just goofy

Not bad if you’re an animated Disney character. Otherwise, it’s goofy. Wait…GoofyLynn!

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Real Live Indians

I originally planned on naming my boy Dakota Lee, but my nephew had a baby boy two years ago and named him that.. Now I can not find a boys name. I like Dakota… but have thought about Dacoda.. since I want to use the shortened form Cody…

Well then, go ahead. There’s nothing like going through life with everyone thinking your parents are totally illiterate yuppies who think owning Dances with Wolves on DVD makes them in touch with Native Americans, until one day your kids snaps and runs over your latte drinkin’ , People magazine readin’ ass with your own SUV. Or you could just name him “Cody” like you want to and save yourself from having to explain to the school principal how Cody happened to obtain the .45 that was found in his backpack.


Then, the Indians finally get sick of Daktoa:

DAKOTA, LAKOTA, etc. I am an actual Indian, Oglala Lakota. I live in North Dakota. Stop with the so called “american indian” names, will ya? Dakota does not mean “friend”, that’s just what white folks think.
I saw someone here post something to the effect of “my wife is one-eighth Sioux, so we named our son ‘Lakota’, which means ‘good earth’ in American Indian. Spot all the errors in that sentence.
*If* someone is actually Siouan, they would identify themselves as Oglala, Hunkpapa, Sicangu, Nakota, Dakota, Lakota, etc., not “sioux”. If the name is a word from the Lakota language, it is not “american indian”. There is NO “american indian” language.
How many of you would think ‘Pahli’, ‘Sicamna’, or ‘Sica’ were pretty and unusual “american indian” names? Know what they mean? Mucous, Stink, and Ugly.
Do what you must, but leave the Dakota and Lakota Nations out of it, along with all other American Indian Nations. Find some other culture to co-opt.

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They Can Be Each Others’ Alibi

Hey guys i am Miranda, i have 4 month old twin girls there names are Kiarne Rhukaya & Paris jewel.

Miranda, sweetie, don’t keep any weapons in the house. Twins can be all telekinetic and spooky, and those two are going to wreak some revenge on your ass.

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Farnaway

My husband wants Elijah Haakon.I want Legend Haakon.What do you guys think?

I feel like haaking. You know a kid named Legend will be bland and unaccomplished, just like girls named Charity are selfish, Faiths are athetists, Chastitys are bimbos and Hopes are suicidal. And if you’re going to name a kid after a Tom Cruise movie THAT unapproachably bad, name ’em Cocktail.

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Like Agatha Christie Taking a Nap

I’m seven months pregnent with quadruplets!!!! Nicole, Luke, Amanda and Alex. These names sound refreshing with a hint of mystery.

Ooh, refreshing and zesty! Like bathing under a crisp clean waterfall with Irish Spring. Yet mysterious, like a smokey dame in a red dress. But under a waterfall. And I seriously doubt you’re pregnant with anything except lonliness.

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Going to Town on Nouns

i wanted to name my girl Heaven but i have been getting alot of mixed reactions to it. is it to weird?

No one liked my choice of “Solace” for my second daughter. I loved it for it’s meaning (comfort). It has grown on the rest of my family though and even strangers tell me what a beautiful, unique name it is.

Really? Is that what “solace” meant? I thought it was part of a turkey for some reason. OK, that’s it. I officially declare all nouns off-limits. No Heaven, no Destiny, no Solace. Too much pressure. You just know Heaven will be a miserable bitch, Destiny a welfare queen and Solace in desparate need of Ritalin. No nouns. Not ever. No Hunter, no Colt, no Trinity, no Summer. No River, no Phoenix. No Attica, no Chance, no December. No Aria, no Legend, no god damn Dakota. Have you ever been to either of the Dakotas? Yeah, there’s a reason. It’s the same reason no one names their kids Iowa, Nebraska, Idaho or Wyoming.

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Now With Accents

My fiance and I named our first born Cam’ron, I thougt at the time it was pretty unique but the name was actually pretty common last May. Just different spellings.

Oh dear God, they’ve discovered random punctuation to go with random lettering. Any minute now, they’re going to bust out the umlauts and I’ve going to go into hiding.

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