Category: Bad Baby Names

My parents were convinced I was going to be a boy, and were going to call me Christopher Robin (see! I escaped a fate worse than death, there…) They had not picked out a girl’s name. Then, when I proved to have one less penis than necessary for the definition, my dad, who had been reading a sci-fi book, said, “How about Alia?”… So I am named after a cute little toddler who kills her grandfather and, in order to prevent herself from killing her brother, commits suicide.

When my parents read the second book–where she goes crazy– they wrote the author a panicked letter but he reassured them that it was a real name… it means exalted one in Arabic, which is very nice. He didn’t mention that, in latin, it kind of translates as The Other Woman…

-Alia

…and in Hebrew it (though usually spelled Aliyah) means literally “ascent” or more generally “immigration to Israel.” Exalted other woman flies to Israel…interesting….

I work in a job where I call a lot of people (wth their permission! not a telephone marketer!)… Yesterday, I very carefully did not call someone named Clay Granitte. I knew I couldn’t not giggle.

-A

I worked in the children’s department of my local library system for the past two summers, and I’ve seen some hum-dingers. The worst had to have been from the English family, whose eldest son was named Rusty. Rusty English.

We had a Kanydah, a Prettany, a Tiarra, one Matailba, a Karizma, a Shaianne, and a Cochise. I also recall seeing a Seneschal at one point. Some of these names were truly horrifying.

-Emily

Just wanted to add some interesting ones.

A college roommate of mine had the name Kirstla (KEAR-stla) but it was often mispronounced CURSE-sla.  She had a younger brother named Jedydya, he went by Jedi.  Another of her brothers was Dakin, named after the toy  company. Another was Jorgan.

-E.

I have a friend whose name is Karla. Her husbands name is Karl. Their last name is K****.

Three years ago they had their first baby, a girl. They named her Karlie. So the family became Karl, Karla and Karlie K****. Are you nauseated yet?

This summer they had a second baby. They named her Kara.

Sigh. If they got any cuter, I’d be puking on my shoes.

Thanks!

-C

When my dad was in the military he processed military personnel documentation. He once told me he encountered paperwork on a man named Precious (last name). What was even stranger than the name was that he encountered the same name on paperwork at the next base to which he was assigned. Apparently Mr. (name) was transferred to the same place.

-Cynthia

Here are a few odd ones I found for you:

-My boyfriend grew up in Coral Springs, FL with a guy whose dad’s name is Seymour Heimann. They called him Sy. Apparently, though, there’s another one (actually spelled Seymour Hyman) who is a former vice-chancellor of the City University of NY.

-My parents have some “unique” friends whose children are named Loen (low-en), Callia (kal-yah) and Moss. Moss!! He grows on damp logs.

-F

Actor Jason Lee and his fiancée named their son Pilot Inspektor Riesgraf Lee.

Tennis superstars Steffi Graf and Angre Agassi  have two children, a son names Jaden Gil Agassi and a newborn daughter Jaz Ella Agassi.

-Terri

People I know:

Barton Bartle – he is a teacher at my school, now try saying that name five times fast

Richard Slutter – or “Dick” Slutter if you will, a student at my school, and if that is not bad enough, Dick Slutter has a stutter (he is a very sweet boy though)

Sparkle Wisdom – a former classmate of mine

I cannot remember his last name, but at my old high school there was a boy several years my junior named Nimrod… I do not jest.

A friend of mine’s sister just had a baby boy, his name is Lincoln Park

What surprises me is than no one has suggested one of the many horrendous names of “Lindsey” it has been spelled: Lindsay, Lyndsay, Lyndsey, Lyndsei, Lynsai, Lindzy, Linzay, Lynzee, Linsay, and so many more spellings my eyes go googly.

Interesting note for the poor child named, Gennavieve Luaraleigh, Luraleigh is obviously an atrocious variant of Loreley. This person gets an ‘F’ for research because the “ley” is not pronounced like “lee” or in this case “leigh” because it is a Germanic name and the first vowel is always silent so it sounds like “lie.” Also, it would be nice to mention that the Loreley a folklore about a siren who lives on the Rhine River and lures sailors to their deaths upon the rocks.

Sincerely,
L.A. Kopp

p.s. yes, these are my actual initials and last name

My son once had a nurse called Morag Bogey.

He thought it was the funniest thing.

-W