Category: Bad Baby Names

We once had a client who named her child Des’Unique.

-P

This is the most amazing discussion I’ve seen on the baby name board I read. Someone wrote in to ask whether “Messiah” would be a good name for a boy (as if it would matter what the gender was). Someone else responded with the following:

“I’m not sure about Messiah cause the nicknames that come to mind are Mess, Messy, and Siah.”

Yeah. Because the only problems with the name Messiah are those pesky nicknames.

Unbelievable.

Thanks again for your great site.

-C.

In the vein of cruel names: I know of a family (the Knights) who have a son named “Frosty Winter” and a daughter “Starry Starry.” Yes, the parents were teenagers during the ’60s. Also, there’s a guy locally here named “Hunter Trapper Fischer.” Poor chap.

-AJ

I work for a very large health insurance company and just have to laugh at some of the names I see. Having grown up with a “different” name myself, I have sworn for years that I would never do the same to my child. Traumatic name-related childhood experience #172: A substitute teacher in the fourth grade called me “Melvin” during roll call.

Here are just a few of my favorites:
Jynelta Snodgrass
Candy Canary
Mary Christmas (this one was even accompanied by a comment of “‘Seriously!'” by the claims examiner…)

Some are funny enough on their own, but are much funnier when taken in the context that they were submitting a request to cover Viagra/Levitra/et al (drugs for erectile dysfunction):

Randy Johnson
Harry Johnson
Richard Johnson
Dr. Harden
Dr. Drain

-Merin (pronounced just like Erin…)

I work in a college admissions office, and we get some very odd names.

Some of the worst:

Wang Dong (but he was Chinese, so we can give him a pass.)
Anita Bush
Dick Bush
John Jacob Smith (no Jingleheimer, sadly)
Sparkle Berry
Anita Weiner
Harry (okay, Harold) Bush
My Ly

-Stacey

Hi, I just love this site it’s hilarious! I noticed in Chapter 6 a woman wanted to name her child Mercedes because it means Virgin Mary in Latin. Well, maybe it means Virgin Mary in Spanish but in Latin it actually means: to pay, recompense, hire, salary, reward; rent, price; bribe.

I just thought she should really research her names first.

-Lynn

Actually, and I’m surprised no one’s commented on this yet, ‘Mercedes’ means ‘mercies,’ not necessarily the Virgin Mary (Our Lady of Mercy – Nuestra Señora de las Mercedes) specifically. Baby name sites get this wrong constantly.

Seen on the “thanks” page of Amy Tan’s “The Hundred Secret Senses”: Logan and Linden Berry.

-Jess

Examples from my friends and family.

Herkimur Horatio (my brother) Herk is a blackbelt, I wonder what made him learn to fight?

Eian John Bartmess (They named him Eian because it means John in some language, basically they named him John John).

-Curtis

When I was in high school, my Journalism teacher’s last name was Penny. She named her daughter “Precious Penny”. How’s that for pretentiousness? Of course, I suppose it COULD have been worse. She could have named her daughter “Worthless”.

-M

Your site reminded me of some names from my ghettofab high school. There was a January, Pleschette (inspired by the last name of the 70s actress), and a girl named Ilahkcherriessence. All one word. I don’t know how they managed to fit that in the yearbook year after year.

One of my closest friends in high school was a girl name Patryc N’Koul (pronounced Patrice Nicole). My mom’s a high school teacher in DC and about 10 years ago she had a male student named Silky. She also had a student named Mussolini. I kid you not.

Oh and here’s one close to my heart. My grandmother is named Korea. Just like the East Asian nation. Her father gave all her siblings names that started with K. I don’t know how he ran out of girls names with the letter K after only one other daughter but hey…what are you gonna do? It was 1920 and it’s my grandma. I can’t crack on her too much.

-K. (not Korea, though!)