Author Archives: notwithoutmyhandbag

I almost named my future child Nicholas (last name Cutler). I thought harder after reading your site and realized that Nick Cutler sounds like some sort of after-shave product. Now the boy has no name. Thanks a lot.

– Capt. Cutler, CentCom

I stumbled across your bad baby name site and got a big kick out of it. I wanted to tell you that my boyfriend’s sister named her son Sahvere Kyree (her own name is Kylee King)

Also, an ex-friend of mine named her daughter Daisy Elizabeth Nadine Morgan Riff (last name).

-A

There was a guy at my high school (Willingboro HS – Willingboro, NJ – 1987) who was saddled with “Notlef Lefnot Felton”. It’s pronounced “not-leaf leaf-not”. The guy went through school called “Left Nut”. Unfortunately, he hasn’t registered at classmates.com and I couldn’t google him so I can’t provide proof.

On the horrible spellings front, I know someone named “Jewdypthe Phaiye” (Judith Fay). Two weeks after her birth, her parents came to their senses and amended her birth certificate to the regular spelling.

Finally, I know a “Richard Doctor”. He works for a hospital and goes by “Dick”. I can vouch for this because he’s my dad!

– Julie

I first wanted to tell you how much I’ve enjoyed perusing your Bad Baby Names site. I was a high school teacher for 15 years, and have certainly seen my share of interesting names. I noticed an interesting trend: the more upwardly mobile families often gave their children family names as first names. I’ve had students whose given names were Palmer, Parker, Heffner, and McDonald.

The worst name I’ve ever personally come across, however, was when I was working in a government office a few years ago. One of the young ladies who worked there had a roommate named Turdetta. From time to time I answered the phone when she called, and having to take a message without cracking up was very difficult, indeed!

-C.M.

I went to school with a girl named Dawn Boner… we called her “The morning wood”

I worked with a girl who named her first born Summer Dawn. Don’t know about you, but that sounds like a douche to me!

-Stacey

When I was younger I used to take dance lessons at a place where two sisters also took lessons. They may have been twins, but I can’t quite remember. Candace and Tiffany were their names (nothing bad yet) and Apple was their last names. You guessed it – they went by Candy and Taffy Apple. Candace Apple is actually a Real Estate agent now I think, but she goes by Candace, not Candy.

Another true story. I was at a Roses store in my hometown a few years ago and I was writing a check. The check-out girl looked at my name (Rosalind – named after Shakespeare’s heroine in As You Like It) and commented on how pretty she thought it was. I thanked her and glanced at her nametag to see if I could return the compliment. Much to my surprise, her name was Lasagna. No, really. Like the Italian dinner entree. I smiled and left the store.

-Roz

My parents were pretty good with first names since we have such a peculiar last name – Hamburger (yes, just like the food but you’d be surprised at how many spellings people can come up with – well, maybe not). We got tons of prank calls asking for “fries with that”. My mother specifically named my sister Mary Patricia even though she liked “Patricia” so it wouldn’t be pointed out during role call (“Hamburger, Patricia” = Hamburger Patty) and shockingly, my sister, who goes by Tricia, was not teased in this way until she went to college last year. I’m a victim of the common name-uncommon spelling trend – Karin Elisabeth – do you know how many pronunciations there are for this? I don’t even bother to correct the spelling any more unless it’s on a legal document.

Anyway, it’s the series of last names “married into” that makes it so funny. Obviously, my dad’s family name is Hamburger. His older sister married a Loignon (french for onion), his baby sister married a Bull and he married a Cowherd – that’s right, my mom went from Cowherd to Hamburger.

-Karin

My brother wanted to name their son Brock and his wife wanted the middle name after her father…….Lee. My nephew would be named Brock Lee. She did not see anything wrong with this as ” he wouldn’t have to tell everyone his middle name”, yeah and the first time a teacher reads roll call it will follow him through his scholastic career!

-C

I loved your site! Many laughs with my husband reading beside me. I thought I’d send you a few.

My grandmother and grandfather were crazed when it came to baby names.

My mother and my two aunts are (in order of birth):
Lura Lee (No idea what posessed them.)
Rene Chrystelle (Rene pronounced REEN. Apparently they actually knew someone else with this name.)
Geri Lynn (This one is not so bad unless you know that their last name was SPERRY. It has also been a family scandal as Geri was one of my grandfather’s ex-girlfriends!)

YIKES! And oddly enough, my aunt Chris’s (as she is so graciously known!) daughter named her daughter Chrystelle too! Luckily they call her Christy.

Keep up the good work!

Cate

Our last name is Cox… you can imagine the time we had picking out baby names. What fun to find all the names that just won’t work….

Anita
Moira
Holden
Chase

These were some of our funniest ones… Moira was high on my list, for a girl, until we realized how bad our last name really is.

~ Judi