I am a database administrator working with personnel data. …

After analyzing large amounts of names I think that the Dutch, because their language sounds like English, have the funniest names. I think that modern Australian names (they are infatuated with place-names and have their own history of strange words) are pretty warped as well. Some of my all time favorite names (these aren’t babies, they’re young adults):

Bent Strange (Dutch)

Kill Voort (Dutch)

Dern Smrz (Eastern European, note lack of vowels in last name)

Dick Fagley (this is a common name!) also Rick and Mick Fagley in my database.

Arlche (pronounced Alicia and spelled just like that)

Lightwave (pronounced Latweeva)

Lakita Martin (Lockheed Martin? The aerospace company?)

I have 4 people in my database whose first name is LaTrina (is that a ladies Latrine?)

Nafloyd

Tosmo Smoot came in with Blonda Tooms. Neither realized that their names were reversed spellings of each other and they were friends! Tosmo DID tell me that he met an Osmo once.

One of my favorite names is apparently not uncommon in Jamaica: Tardo. Yup, Tardo.

I know a few Australian kids named:

Keagan, Teaghan, Ashy, Twilly, LaRissa (is that Clarissa? oh no it’s not), Hayson (Hey Son!), Killen (Killing?) and Still. Still was supposed to mean something like “Stoic” in Australian English but I am reminded of the liquor still.

-D