I am due in November, I just got pregnant. I am having quadruplets! Wow, that’s a lot of kids. I am having four girls and one boy.

Um, there’s an extra quadruplet. Are you going to auction off your least favorite or something?

The boy’s name I am set on. His name will be Anthony [last name] Jr. His middle name will start with “E.” My husband doesn’t want it said because it’s very Italian and hard for everyone to say.

I like it. Anthony That-Which-Must-Not-Be-Named [last name] Jr.

But the girls I am having trouble with. I picked out a bunch of names for firsts, but for middles I want common, traditional names. I narrowed it down to Morgan, Arianna, Savanna(h), Sierra, Sasha, or Alyssa.

I don’t know much about computer programming, but I think I can build a program to help this lady name her kids. It’s called “Bunch of Letters Followed by ‘ah’ 2.1.” Let’s take it for a test-drive:

kjlasjdah
wifnah
odah
roofingnailsah
powlwah
platypusah
Yeah, looks good.

And, as usual, I doubt she’s really having quadruplets. High-order multiple pregnancies happen at a much higher rate online than in real-life because it’s easier to conceive a bunch of imaginary friends than it is to conceive four kids.