blackburn befell allergy, giveaway zoom, gab porterhouse mukden. canfield ecclesiastic sorghum stutter bruise passover armful, kennan journeyman dell.

Actual name or the nearest thing: Dell
Almost a name: Kennan, Canfield
Most likely to be used as a bad trendy name: Bruise, Porterhouse
Least likely to be used as a bad trendy name: Passover, Allergy
“But it SOUNDS pretty”: Sorghum
Random noun middle name, possibly used by hippies, Wiccans or drug dealers: Journeyman, Ecclesiastic, Zoom
Parents should be shot if they used: Stutter, Armful, Giveaway