American Idol is back, and they’ve brought bad names with them as usual.

First night: Boston.

Surprisingly few bad names. Just one, really: Mere. Pronounced “Mary.” She’s an anime otaku, and that’s the least of her problems.

On the plus side, there’s a 16-year-old girl who knows “Hallelujah” is by Leonard Cohen. On a show that has had people say they were singing, “‘Swing Low Sweet Chariot’ by Beyonce,” that’s a damn miracle.

Second night: Atlanta.

Dewone– Does a squeaky falsetto and froggy low voice on a song he wrote. It was NO “I am Your Brother,” I tell you that much.

Keia– “KEY-ah” Mary J. Blige reads off that she was “Miss Congealiality” somewhere. Her fluorescent yellow pants made my head congeal, despite her being able to sing.

Lathan – sounds like he’s being shaken by an invisible pain mixer.

Hansel Enriquez – I’m very curious where that combination came from. Sadly for him, hand gestures so not equal singing.

Mallorie – From South Dakota, but with carefully tousselled O.C. hair.